She Sells Sea Shells by the Sea Shore.

Im trying organized my documents, by making new folders and subfolders for my pictures and writing. We learnt this in school. Im taking computer fundamentals right now, I know most of what the teacher is teaching, but there are a few things that are new to me.

I am spending my loan money, Im throwing it left and right.I am so not budgeting. I need a job, I have 200 dollars left to last me until March. Ahhhh not gonna happen. I applied for unemployment, but I highly doubt I will be lucky enough to receive it. But whatever atleast I've tried.

I applied online to shoppers and a clothing store. And I dropped my resume off at an Art store. That would be a rockin job, it usually dead so I could work on home work, and draw.And I'd get a discount on art supplies.

I need to ease myself off restaurant food. I go out to eat too much and Im getting fatter. All the fat is heading straight for my tummy, my rolls are multiplying. I went to Don Cherry's tonight. My friends and I go out to eat alot, its one of our fave things to do. We get to socialize and eat.It gives us something to do, because there isn't always some thing to do here in Moncton. But it has to end lol. No more fast food or restaurants!And I mean it!

Its a rainy day ands my hairs not liking it.

I started to have this dicussion on another blog and it began to ring so true to me. We know that girls are or guys can be golddiggers. Using a guy for his money. But did you know that some girls (maybe guys too, but I'll stick to what I know) are with guys to make themselves feel better. You tend to see a really slender girl with a fat guy. On her own she feels fat and flawed. But with her fat boyfriend she feels better, she feels tiny. Sometimes you see a beautiful women with a unattractive man.And you think to yourself what does she see in him. Well she sees how much prettier she looks standing next to him. She can compair what she thought were her flaws to her boyfriend's flaws and she feels better about herself.

I can relate to this theroy, this way of thinking but I am not so overboard. I rarely go out with a guy skinnier than me. First of all nobody wants to cuddle with a stick, a girl wants big strong arms around her. I would feel so huge laying next to a tiny guy. I of course want to walk around with my boyfriend next to me and not have people see me as big compaired to him. I want to feel skinny, therefore I chose a guy bigger than me. Im not talking over weight, like some girls might choose. I mean he just has to be bigger than me.

Its funny how self concious we can be, we chose someone who makes us feel comfortable with our bodies.But if they knew what reasons were on our mind for chosing them, it would probably make them feel less comfortable with themselves.

Let me say one last thing. If I met a guy who was wonderful and sweet and smart and I liked him, I would go out with him if he was skinner than me. But most of the times, I look for guys who are bigger.Taller. And persue them.

"I think I'll wear my boobs tonight" quote curtsey of Joanne

Don't you just hate it when someone cancels on your last minute? Its ticks me off so much. I thought we had made plans last weekend, but cat finally called me back after i called her all week and emailed. She didn't feeling like going anymore. Shed rather stay home and do homework. She called at 7 olcock. I was quite annoyed. After doing some last minute scheduling we made it out none the less.

Where did we go?You know where we went lol. My oldest sister Gillian, Joanne and I headed to Miss Behaven at 9 olcock. To see Canadian Thunder! Male strippers. Im a newbie..Ive never seen any strippers lol.So I was expecting dirty guys gyrating on the stage to corny music. But..I was pleasantly surprised. Most of the guys wears smokin! They put on a stellar show. Mt favorite dancer was The human Vibrator. Man he did some moves that just rocked my world. All night ladies would pay 5 bucks to go on the stage and getting alittle dirty move done to them. Omg, some of these sex moves I have never seen before.Amazing lol.

Back'ne was our least favorite.We nicknamed him.Actually we were nicknaming alot of people. I walked in the mens bathroom to pee and he was washing his hands. His back was facing me and damn, it was cover in pimples. I yelled .."Damn" because it was gross. But he turned around and smiled. Yuck. He was so ugly lol.

I loved the crowd all the girls was dancing and screeching. Everyone was having so much fun. My voice is so horse this morning from all the screaming.There weren't too many older women, they were mostly our age.

One girl must of spent 100 and some bucks on these guys.She kept going on the stage. She always had this huge wedgie .She we named her "The Wedge". My sister caught one of the guys thongs and "The Wedge" begged her to let her smell the thong. Gross

Also there was a girl we named 'Hoops" for some reason she kept stating me down all night. It was creepy. She kept pointing to me. I have no clue who she was. I think she liked me. Or she liked my sexy man vest.lol Who knows. But "Hoops" starting giving me dirty looks when she caught me telling Joanne that she wouldn't stop staring at me.

By the second half of the show we made it to front row. He seem one penis and it was ginourmous!!! The guys would stand right over top of us there sweat was dripping on us. That wasn't cool. Kind of grossed me.

I'd say 9/10 night. I dont think I'd go again. I think Ive seen it all . lol

"These boots were made for walking...."

I've been typing all day in class my fingers grew some muscles I actually feel nauseated looking at this computer screen.After a long day of typing, I decided to go to the mall after school.I spent 200 dollars in roughly an hour?How can I do that?First of all this is money that I cant be spending. Argh I need a job. I made it walmart and I was stocking up on some much needed food when I get to the cash and it my bank card says "insufficient Funds" Argh I hate when that happens. I had money but its in my other account and I had to transfer money over and I only know how to do that on the computer. So to make a story short I am at home eating rice w/ soy sauce. Not bad..but not great. We have no food, amd my parents are gone away for the weekend.

I need a nap Im deathly tired! Tonight me and some girlfriend are suppose to be going to a strip club.Ive never been before so this should be interesting! Its male dancers and the lead dancers name is " Canadian Thunder!!!
Its gonna be sex-otic!!!!!!
Nap time.

Im not Cheap.. Im free... Hahaha...
so tired..One more day of school. Weekend. Yessir!

its just a phase.

Do I owe anyone any favors? No. Your girlfriends flat chested and shes doesn't like sex. She won't go down on you. What makes you think you can run to me to forfill your needs? Get a new girlfriend, or live with the one you have. Either way don't look at me to help you out.

I have seen first hand what guy's are like and Im scared to get a boyfriend. They are Basically all the same. [note there are a few exceptions.] They will stray if given the perfect chance.They will fool around and pretend like it was innocent. Tempt them and they will be tempted. So what am I wishing for? What am I begging for? Another reason to cry. A chance for someone to replace me. Guys are always looking. Its like testing driving an expensive car. They can't afford the car, but they will keep test driving it. And then turning around and going home to there old pick up.

I can tempt a taken boy, so any girl could probably temp my taken boy. Its that simple. I don't think anything lasts forever. It's a myth. Its a fairy tale we want to believe, one we search for. We pray that this one could be our forever. But he in most cases he rarely is. What is forever? A lazy word that everyone says to make there partner feel secure. "W'ell be together forever" I'll love you forever" "You'll be forever in my heart" But we say so many things that are scripted, its what the other person wants to hear. And we probably want it to be the truth. I seen forever in my eyes two weeks into the relationship. I meant it. Im not sure if he did. But he played a song with his words, plucking the cords of my heart. He knew it would hypnotize me, he knew it would capture me. Maybe at that moment he meant it. But it faded.And if it was really forever. Can forever fade?


I am not always so cynical and jaded. Tomorrow my hope will be back. Tomorrow I will be in love with love again. Today Im just thinking with the other half of my brain. We all do it some times. I am not depressed lol..so please don't comment that its sad or whatever. lol Its part of life, and at some point in your life your will agree with this post lol.

P.s girls can be just as bad..right break :(

Where my girls at?

Do you ever feel lonely when standing in a crowd of people? Thats what I felt like on Saturday. A group of us went to 02 as usual. The whole time I was there I was surrounded by friends and people I went to school with but I felt left out and lonely. I couldn't shake this feeling. It was like I knew I didn't belong, I was aching for something more. So I left. Took a cab home. The club scene is getting old for me. Or maybe its the people Im going with.

I was reading a Meghan's blog and she was discussing how harder it is to make new girlfriend then guy friends.And I agree.Girls seem to always feel there is a silent competition between other girls. And most girls get threatened by other girls. I was feel more comfortable with guys, partly because I felt girls always caused problems. Gossiping and whinnying. So much drama! Guys are completely different, they don't worry are fight about things as much.

But now Im missing hanging out with a group a of girls. I haven't had a girls night out in forever. I hang out with my girl friends one at a time. And i hang out with groups of guys. I find it so hard to met new girl friends.Im trying at school right now. And any girl I talk to, rattles on about there boyfriends. Most girls cant seem to function without one. Its quite annoying. My goal of the year is of course to graduation and get a good job. But I also would like to met some new friends. Hopefully make some close friendships.

I want to have a bunch of girls over and watch girly movies and have facials. I want to get all done up with my girls and go dancing all night. Im sick of sitting around watching hockey or being flirted with and touched.

Big Apple

You Belong in New York City
You're an energetic, ambitious woman.And only NYC is fast enough for you.Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer careerOr simply take in all the city has to offer







What City do you belong in?

SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER!!

PARTY TONIGHT

Silly.

Your so misguided.If you only knew.Because I know. Ive seen it from both sides.I've treated every infection. It always comes back. You, always come back.

These and my face transforming pictures.They are sooo funny.
Ape
art...i actually like this one
Baby
Asian..Im hot.
I call this girl..LATISHA! HAHAHA. shes my favorite.
Old lady.

Shes a lady.whoooa..whoooa..whooooa.... tom jones...

All done up for school
My days feel like they are soo long, but then they feel like I do not have enough time to do anything. Everyday I take the bus and wait for the bus for 4 hours. 2HR to get to school and 2HR to get home. Its is such a
- hassle
-annoying
-long
-boring
-tiring
- uncomfortable
Im trying not to talk about people, and Im trying to keep an open mind about people. But I am already annoyed. There are two people in my class who feel the need to answer EVERY question and tell stories about themselves. They talk about there kids and problems.For some reason they seem to think it is a therapy session. Or they feel they need brag themselves up and tell us every aspect about their lives. Maybe they think this will make us like them more. It drives me nuts. We can not get through any lesson without 55 interruptions.

Every person in my class is in a relationship. I am the only single one. I didn't pay ten thousand dollars just for a education, I thought they might throw in a boyfriend too. But gueez if everyone is taken what am I doing here. Im just playing. But I did hope to see some hot single guys. It is only my 3rd day and there are only 2 boys in my class.Ha. I am sure there are many more guys in the school, I will begin my hunt tomorrow.

Today was business dress day. I love dressing up. I love looking professional, one of the reason why I wanted to work in an office was so that I could dress sharply every day. Well who am I kidding it was the biggest reason.I only started my business attire this year.I have a few pairs of dress shirts. 1 blouse and a few dressy sweaters. And one pair of flats and black boots. I'd like to get a suit and a few skirts and more blouses. I felt so sophisticated today. I loved the way I looked.

Thanks to Melanie I am obessed with the face transformer, I have been playing with it for hours. I am going to post my favorite ones.I can't stop laughing at them .I must of tired like 12 different pictures of myself so far.And everyone one in my family. Thank you Girl...this will help with my boredom.

please tell me again what my names is, I seemed to have forgotton!

She took her rag and wiped off the window.Standing there with her hood pulled tightly over her face.She should of wore gloves.Her fingers were so frozen they cracked.She didn't prepare herself,standing there unable to move. She didn't know what her heart was saying when she seen him standing there.He was so small.He had round chubby cheeks.He wore velcro sneaker.Blue overalls and a striped red and black long sleeve shirt.He looked like a prince.He'll surly impress the girls when he is older, she said to herself. At the moment she caught his eye through the window.She was shocked when he raised his hand and spread his fingers.She put her hand on her heart,it was too cold to cry.She turned around and stepped away from the window.

I changed my layout for one second and now i lost all my links and stuff. Booo..Guess i'll have to remember how to do that again.
First day of school. Quite boring and exciting at the same time. I have a headache. And I had homework lol.
Going to be early . Im tired.

Im cooking french fries and fish sticks in a toaster oven. Its been 40 mins and they are still cold. My dad is laying down new tiles for our kitchen so the oven is out side. I have a limit source to cook with. It was either the toaster oven or a microwave.And I hate soggy fries. Maybe I should of just mad a sandwich, but there no counter space and I'd have to lug everything into the living to make it on the coffee table. Too much of a hassle. Our house is a mess.

I rejected the offer to go out tonight. I had three different options, but i backdown for all of them. Im tried and cranky. I was out last night late. I just wanna stay in. But A really cool group of friends are going out tonight. I know it would rock. But of course even if I wasn't tried..Im broke. Well not broke, but I can't be spending it on liquor and cab fares. A night in with my soggy fries and whatever movie is playing on tv should be decent lol.

I had a steller time last night. We were all over the town, cat and i. We went to an early movie. "In her shoes" it was a sweet movie. Then we headed over to joeys house, played some poker and chit-chatter. And then we drug that whole game over to storms. A kareokee club.It was lissa college graduation party. The crowd was small, but the singing was awesome and the people were great. I sucker joey into buying me two shot and two drinks. I was feel buzzed. The only downer of the night was the drunker man, passing out on his stool. I am sure he pooped his pants. Its smelt so vile, so disgusting. OMG.They had to kick him out. We all got a good laugh out of it!

Im straving!!!

She's a charmer.

"Lord give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference?"

Whoa bare with me on the lenght. brain fart!!

When I look back, I see how naive and forgiving I was. I lived in a dream, I believe that if I want something or someone enough that I could grasp it in my hands. After Mark and I broke up, we went months without talking. I knew what to expect, I've seen it all before.I just hoped it would be different I believed in him so much I thought I could change the situation. I guess I wasn't naive then, I was just completely stupid. I never regret things I have done, because everything happens for a reason and what we chose to do with them is what really matters. And I have learnt and I have grown. But neither retrospect or knowlegde would stop me from doing it again. Mark and I began talking online probably 6 months after we broke up. It was sweet and it captivated all my attention. He swallowed me up in his first sloppy sentence. We were friends, but playing lovers games. We spoke every night.We dug deep into the past and share our problems. I felt so close to him again and his friendship meant the world to me. I wanted more, but I wasn't selfish.I would settle for what I had. Later on we began talking on the phone. His voice enchated my all over again. I'd giggle at the way he said certain words and his silly ghetto lingo. I guess thats when I began to dream. I never stopped dreaming about him actually, but now the dreams were real. Vivid. And I knew I could control them.

Silly girl. He wanted to see me. And looking back on it, that was the truth, he missed me, he was craving me. But there were so many barriers surrounding us, blocking us. The connection was still there, it never faded.It was the world that was holding us back. So I agreed to go visit him. It was about a 5 hour drive on the bus. I was ecstatic! I won't lie, In my heart I had ideas, I had hopes, but my brain grounded me. Mark had mentioned a girl, they had been hanging out.Nothing serious. He invited his friend greg, who I was pretty close with to help with the awkwardness. The trip was long but wonderful.Greg picked my up from the bus spot in Lower sackville and drove me to Marks.

We went to his work to met him there.I stood outside. I knew that the girl he liked or was sort of seeing worked there and they didn't want me to see her. It was clear to me. He told me about Jaime. He said they had been hanging out.They were not serious. They were not a couple. They were friends, she liked him.And he didn't know what he was feeling. So right there I knew it would be a little rocky. Don't ask me why I thought things would be smooth in that aspect.

Anyways I waited there, fixing my shirt. I had to look great for my first appearance, he hadn't see me in months. He strutted out.He was nervous I could tell by the expression on his face. He smiled. He was careful not to get to close. It was awkward in the sense that I wasn't too nervous but he was. So I pulled away not to look to desperate to see him. We drove to his place in pretty much silence. But once we were in his apartment and settled we were all at ease. We rented movies and got some liquor. I guess we all needed some liquid courage. From then on was a blurr. I got a little wasted.Trying to show off that I could could drink with the boys.. Mark had never seen me drunk or really drinking. I wanted to impress him. I remember getting closer to him and hugging him.

Then he put me to bed. I got up dizzy and drunk and seen female clothes on the floor. I threw them out the window. Haha..They were probably jamies. I guess I kept saying, whats that girls name..the one with the boys name. Jeffrey. lol. He came into the room and I couldn't remember anything else. I believe we had sex, but I probably passed out on the guy. I woke up feeling sick and I was wearing different undies and a top. And on the floor was a condom.Used. I asked him about it but he denied it. I am not sure why. Maybe he felt angered by my passing out episode. He blabbed on about seeing jamie, and i was just in love with him.This made me angry.Why would he lie. The evidence was on the floor. We of course fought. The day was long. I spent more time with greg. It was pretty eventless.

That night he asked if I would like to met Jaime. Why was I soo stupid? Why did I feel the need to put myself through deliberate pain. I said sure. I was trying to be his friend, remember. I know the only reason why he invited her was to make both of us jealous. In all honesty she looked like trailer trasher.She was loud and swore to much.She smoked and was rude. This was not the type of girl mark usually fell for. My guess is he's was lonely.And she was fun to be around.I was so kind ot her.I made her drinks and tried to initiate conversation. She pretty much ignored me. The night was horrible. I did my best to play the part of a happy sweet ex girlfriend. How messed up is that. But it was the most awkward situation. Why would I want to be with my ex whom I was still in love with and watch him with another girl. We we went to the clubs and I showed him. I danced with every guy I seen. He spent most of the night looking for me. We didn't talk much.Jamie kept him away from me most of the night. She obviously didn't like me. Even tho I went out of my way to be nice to her. Im just like that. When I should be mean I can't.

We got back to his apartment and I growled at him, telling him I didn't want her to spend the night. But she had to, he said, she lived 30 mins away. And he had been drinking he couldn't drive her home. He promised me they'd sleep on the couch. One on each end. Again looking back on it. I had no right to tell him what he could do.And he didn't have to listen to me.But he did. But why would we put each other through this. I spent the night crying in Gregs arms. I made myself sick thinking about them. I was in a horrid mood in the morning. I hid in his bedroom until atleast 12. Because I didn't want to confront her. And I didn't want to see something I'd regret.When I finally crawled out of my hole she was gone.
I think we went out to eat and to the movies. The day was weird. I was holding onto a string.I didn't want to flip at him. We fought a bit, and I hid in his room writing and crying. Greg decided to leave to let us have some time alone.

We layed on his bed for hours talking. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. I knew him like the back of my hand.And everything I guessed or thought was right. He wanted to make me jealous.I told him that Jaime wasn't right for him. He shouldn't just use her to cure his loneness. I even told him I thought she was trailer trash.He laughed so hard. But he told me, I was right. I was always right.Sometimes that made him so mad. But he still loved me, he always would. He knew Jaime wasnt right for him.It was just fun. The conversation we had was so truthful and so blunt. It made me happy to have trust in him.I know that if we lived in the same city we would of gotton back together. But we didn't and we talked about that. We remember all the good times we had. All the funny memories.

The rest of the night we watched movies together.Semi cuddling, i think we were both scared to cross any boundaries. It was so comfortable was aching for him. We cuddled all night. I missed the smell of him. I missed the way he held me. Those 13 hours or so were some of the best hours of my life. And it made the horrible weekend worth the pain.

I just wonder why my love is so strong and his wasn't. I would walk through fire. I'd do anything.And that weekend proved it.I'll never know what I was thinking, but I guess love makes you do crazy things. Its like a spell that hes cast on me. After that weekend we still talk.But it slowly faded.

When I draw a nose it remsembles a sausage.

So u'd think my mother wouldn't mind driving me to my orientation. I mean sure she was home sick, but she could still drive. She just had a few cramps.It would of saved me a lot of waiting around. But she "of course" she whined and acted like she was dieing. Soooo my orientation only lasted about 45 mins and I spent the rest of the day on the bus or waiting for the bus. Thats was like 4 hours. I was really cranky with my mom. She stood in the window waving at me as I waited for the bus. I just ignored her.

I've got my loan all figured out and I start school on monday. There are still alot of things I need to do. I should make a list so I don't forget. Im gonna dig in my saving so I can buy some new clothes for school. Horrible I know. But I need some business clothes. Black boots, dress pants and dressy tops. And my trip to Halifax is canceled. Well tentatively. Im gonna keep our reservation at the hotel for another week and see what my money flow is like then.

My job happenings are still up in the air. I will be going to the school from 1-5 most of the time. Every few months its 8-12. So its hard to find a job, the mall only stays open until 9.I wont get off the bus until atleast 6:30. So Im looking at like sobeys because they stay open 24 or maybe shoppers they are opened until 12. We'll see. I'll keep looking.

So my kittys eye is getting better. I've been putting the drops in his eye every few hours. Its such a pain and he hates it. I have to chase him around the house. It looks painful.Theys like a hunk of eye hanging..Its gross. The vet wants me to bring him back. But I don't have another 50 bucks to pay for that. Lets just hope that it keep healing and he gets better.

I've been drawing again these past few days. My mind is so weird. I get writing blocks and drawing blocks and painting blocks. But my block seems to have evorated.And now I can draw. Its so relaxing. Im so hard on myself tho. I look at my work and think it looks bad.And I pick it apart. Im trying just to draw.Who cares what it looks like. Its my art work.

Anyways my wrist is actaully aching from drawing and now typing.
Im out.!

Can someone please tell me who to grow a money tree.

Look at this pretty face... Im losing it. Im so STRESSED.Stressed to the MAX. I have no money and no job. I just had to pay a 100.00 vet bill. Plus I have to go back, so thats more money. My ex boos is not working and I need her to sign some papers pertaining to my student loan. Speaking of loan. I have no idea when I will be getting it and how much money will be left over for me.
I used my money for my trip to Halifax to pay the vet bill.So i might have to cancel that trip. My cell phone bill is 50 bucks. [NOTE TO SELF stop texting messaging so much..too expensive!!]ARHG. I owe people money which i do not have. Its just money, its evil. And im looknig for a job, but it seems like they only need people to work days..Which I can't. Im just waiting around for everything and everyone.And I hate it! I hate waiting.

forevers a very long time.

Was I that difficult to love?
because I loved you more than my heart could hold.
Im looking back on my goofy grin and my boring hair style. Maybe you needed more.
But I seen the imperfections in your face and the standard pose you made for the camera. And I loved it all. I knew everything was bound to change. I wish you could see me now. Im different, Im stronger and I've grown.
I wish I still didn't have tears in my eyes. And I could look at you and lie.
I am still holding onto you ontop of those rocks. Remember we posed for all those pictures. I still have them framed. Maybe thats why I took so many pictures, because secretly I knew it wouldn't last. I needed something to remind me of you. In your heart, where am I? Is there any part of me left in you? Ive hidden you as much as I could, but your pouring out of everything can't keep you locked up.I wish you could see me now, maybe you would change your mind. So long much time has past, maybe our time is now. I wish we had another chance. But if my chance has already gone, what am I waiting for? Why am I yearning? Why can't I let go. I look at our faces in those photographs I see forvever in our eyes. What changes? Who took the forever out of our hearts?

I do believe I might just have to pass on your offer.

WHAT A WEEKEND

I was incrediably busy this weekend.It made me feel important lol. I felt so free knowing that I wasn't waking up early to go to work. It felt wonderful.Heres the breakdown of my weekend.

Friday- Cat and I went to Chris Rock to meet some friends. The Chris Rock is not my favorite place, its too laid back for me. Pretty much you just sit at a table and drink. No loud music or dancing.Andtheres only one pool table. But its an alright time everyone blue moon. But we went there for a particualr reason to see JOEY. He is home for the week from Alberta. We all grabbed a table and chilled.Drank a little and talked. Cat and I left around 12 and headed to Freddy's for a Donair. Just talking about donairs is making me crave one. It was delish! It was a nic low key night.

Saturday- I finally got to see terri's house. Her and her fiance bought a bungalow. It makes me alittle jealous. But I am so happy for her. The house to me is huge atleast for two people..And it has a beautiful back yard. We sat around looking at her bridal book.And talking about her wedding. We did alittle shopping after and then grabbed a bite to eat. I got home around 5 pm and tried to rest my feet.I was going clubbing that night. It was a crazy time. I met alot of new people. And I looked hot. lol. We danced most of the night on the stage, my fave song of the moment is "golddigger" by Kanye West!

Sunday- I agreed to attend a bridal show with terri. Which was unbelievely boring. It was soo long, we were there for like 5 hours. The only fun part were the fashion shows. We sat in the front row for the first show. Which was a bad idea because we couldn't stop laughing. The dresses were hidious! I think the dresses were second hand.They were like from the eighties. Long sleeves and full of beads and lace. And the bridemaids dresses had shoulder pads. It was all plus size women modeling them. And u could tell that this was there first time because they kept tripping and no one was on time. I pray that Terri doesn't want me to go to another one becasue it was so boring. But I would go again because Im her friend.ahhh..I know Im soo sweet.

Thats the end. I tried to keep it brief.Im tried and have a headache. Enjoy.

I WANT THIS TOP.

So I did it, I survived my last day. I ended up getting the last cart, which was of course empty. And I had 16 rooms all check outs. Someone switched my sheet. Meaning they did that on purpose. I was alittle annoyed, but all i cared about was finishing and getting out of there. 2 soccer teams were checking in as I was leaving. Its going to be a hectic weekend for the girls .HAHA. Oh and my manger didn't even say goodbye.She stayed clear of me. But that didn't surprise me because she never says hello to me any other day. And I thought I would have to sign some papers or something. Separation papers?

I need to get my mind off money its all i think about. Im stressed to the max. I received my student loan but the letter seems to be written in code.I don't understand any of it. Just a bunch of numbers and words lol. Its all mumbo jumbo to me!!! So I made a meeting with a lady from school to talk about it. Get this all sorted out. And Im gonna try and go on unemployment. Which is more confusion and papers to read and sign. What I need to do is stop shopping and start saving my money lol. I went on a shopping spree last night. Spent about 175.00!Ekkks.
I bought 3 new bras, which I desperately needed. A sweater, 2 shirt and a belt. And I bought a new clubbing shirt for Saturday. Oh and I bought the new KANYE WEST cd. I've only listened to a few songs. But it rocks. He so talented. I love him.

Oh...oh....oh...Terri asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

ouch!...lets party. anyways.

My tooth is sore when I bite down. I think I HAVE a cavity...yuck. I HATE the dentist, i haven't been there in forever. When I have time I'll tell you some stories that have happened to me.
I still have these mother freaking cramps. Am I dieing... Last day of work is today. Heavenly.But I know its going to drag on and just be an all round bad day. I can count on that.

ME ME ME

I WANT THIS PURSE.

I think the walmart smiley face is my friend.

I liked it when strangers smile at me. It makes me feel connected to the outside world. Some days Im just walking around aimlessly veered off in my own world, and a smile from someone blinks me back to reality. Makes me happy. We are all creatures of the same, but sometimes we think we are floating higher than other people. A smile makes me remember how big the world is and that we all share it. Now Im not talking about creepy old man that smile because they can see my bra straps and want to rip my pants off. I mean people who smile and say hello while they bussle past you on your daily job.Or people in a busy mall whole smile and excuse themselves as they squeeze by. Or the little old women greeting you with a smile as you enter the bus. It makes me feel welcome in my small world, connecting me to the larger one. I always smile at people, partly because I am constantly smiling and I am a happy person. But it also makes me feel good and should make others feel good too. Sounds rather conceited but its the truth. Don't tell me that you dont get all caught up in your own life and a stray smile finds you and it doesn't cheer you up and make you want to smile back.

Keep those smiles coming.

Day 3 of these horribly uncomfortable cramps. Argh I just wanna stay in bed and cry.

my fingers smell like tuna.

Im in need for someone like you.
Captavising moment of unnessarcary means.
Im in the need for a clone. A connection to the world I lost, but loved so much.
I could dance and be free and its a secret kept all to myself.
No explanation or story to be told.
I long for something more, but all I can handle is a moment.
It may be fraud or a chance to run with the devil.
But all my cards are layed on the table for you to see.
**********************************************
Im just sitting here eating pasta salad and browsing the chapters site for some new books. I am also trying to make a list of places to drop off my resume. Im not sure what kind of job Im going to get, but it will be part time. Im looking at retail, or a book store, maybe even waitressing. I guess we'll see. First things first, I need to find out when my classes are.

Books Im gonna buy on pay day.

A Fine Balance Author
I Know This Much Is True
My Friend Leonard
A Virtuous Woman
Black and Blue

And of course I'll take a hunt through the bargain books I always find some hidden treasures.

Speaking of hidden treasures Joanne and I went to frenchies to find some used clothing.But we came up empty handed. I never find anything good. I know some people who buy their whole wardrobes from second hand clothing stores.And they find some rocking stuff.

I have so many Pictures of Mself

Hitting Up the Hoodeo

"monster in law"....i give it a 5 out of 10

Recap of the night at the rodeo. I am excited to say that I had an excellent time out with the girls. Joanne, the friend I went with is the type of person who u can do anything with and have a great time. She's so easy going and so adventurous theres no worrying that u will get bored. We went over to a friend from work's apartment. Jackie is a tad older than us, i will not say her name, but she is close to my moms again. Granted she does not look a day over 27 and she is so hip. She is a ball to hang out with. She sat around drinking coolers and watching big brother ( Im soo mad ginelle is gone!!). And we had an indepth conversation and period, relationships and of course men in general. We even prank called a few people. So childish but super funny. One name just played along with us. He was pretty cool. In the end he asked for my number he said I had a cute voice, Im not sure if he was pulling my leg or not. Either way I gave him a fake number lol.


Feeling pretty grand we stumbled to the rodeo. At a prime time I must add. Just early enough where there are small clusters of people and tons of room on the dance floor. Come 12ish its sooo packed you can't even move. I love to dance! Give me a stage or a cage in this case and I'll be on it. I was alittle hesitant to climb in the stage last night, my last encounter was a bad one. I was doing my thing in the cage with my friends. The cage is raised off the floor about a foot and there are metal polls surrounded it.And there is a spot light shining down on you.You can fit about 4 people in it. Well like I said, I was doing my thing, grooving to the music and some girl behind me pulled my hair. I am not sure if I bumped into her, or is she was jealous of me and my moves lol. But she grabbed a hand full of my hair and ripped it so hard my head hit the pole. I had a bruise beside my eye, before I had a chance to turn around the girl bolted, I guess she was running so fast she bumped into people. I am not an aggressive person, I am usually rather overly polite, so i don't understand what I did to her. I don't remember bumping into her, tho maybe I did. Anyways I thought it was un called for and hurt like a bitch the next day.

Joanne and I have this game, we always just slap random guys butts and keep walking. They always look so shocked and never know who just slapped them. We wanted to make the game alittle more exciting so we made a bet. Who could grab the most "man boobies". We called the game "Titty Grab. Joannes strategy was to walk up to a guy and bump into them, grabbing there boob at the same time. And then she would apologize. I was more blunt. I would walk up and squeeze a guys boob and then end it off with a thumbs up. I think I got more laughs. No one got mad. Most guys would laugh. I had one guy who offered his other boob. There were many that were quite a handful and some that were so muscular it was a treat for me to squeeze. I even had a few guys try to grab my boobs back. It was all clean fun. What a riot it was, I never laughed so hard. Honestly I would have to say I grabbed atleast 250 "man boobies" last night. We made so many rounds guys were shielding themselves with there arms from us. Or they would point at us and say " theres the girls who are grabbing guys boobs" One guy even told joanne what a turn on it was for him and then asked her to dance.

Hilarious!! I just love being so random, when I get drunk I'll do anything for a laugh. Well I wont hurt someone. And Im sure I didn't hurt any of those guys, they were all loving, they may of been shocked for a moment.But they all laughed. I bet you anything they were telling there friends today about the girls who grabbed there boobs.

I am very glad I went out. It was a fabulous time.I woke up feeling alittle sour this morning but I slept it off. And I am looking forward to next weekend.It will be a celerbration of the end of my housekeeping career.

Joeys my friend is coming home tuesday. I can't wait to see him.!!!!

I feel older.

Sometimes I feel so alone, I turn on the washer to hear something move and make noise. At times I hear a voice in my head she hushes me into insanity, and sometimes she disappears and I'm left talking out loud. I don't know whats worse.
The house is so quite, my cats must be sleeping. I looked around my room, its chactic, clothes strewn everywheres. I buy clothes to fill the dreams in my mind.But most times theres no special occasion to wear them, no special someone to strut for.
I want to climb back in bed and dream. But theres so much to be done. I work hard for my days off, but theres no time for rest.

I have plans tonight, ones which I feel I must forfill. I have been ditching Joanne for weeks.She asks me every weekend to go clubbing with her and Im never in the mood. I am still not in the mood. But I feel like Im not being a good friend. So I will go. What will I wear? For me if Im not dressed well enough it affects my moods. I need to feel like I look go or it could ruin my night. I guess that sounds rather vain or trivial, but its the truth. I think its becasue I am a very visual person, I see my moods in what I am wearing. And Of course I want to look hot, theres no denying that. I don't try and "pick up" at clubs, but getting some attention is always a great feeling.

For a while now I have been getting sick of clubbing. I could name a lot of things I'd rather be doing. Sleeping, eating or watching t.v Sounds boring. But for me its has become too much of a hassle. It takes hours to get ready, picking out an outfit, doing you make up and hair, then u go drink at someones house and pay for a cab there and back. And the place is always soo packed, and too many drunk dirty people. And theres always a fight with a friend or guy. And I m usually sick the next day and I work early in the morning. Theres just too many negatives and not enough positives. But once in a while I have a stellar time and its etched in my memories forevere. Hopefully tonight will be one of there nights.

I smell things

I miss summer already.

I tend to curse summer, for the heat, but I always miss it when its gone.

I love waking up to the sun pouring through my window.

Sun tanning outside with the rays beating on your skin.

And at night when the heat cools, but the air is still warm.

Just thinking about summer gives me the best feeling inside.

Even the clothing is better in the summer.

Short skirts, tank tops and sandals, no heavy coats or boots.

You can always find something to do in the summer, swimming, walking, sun tanning, playing sports, going to the beach, playing at the park and cruising in the convertible.

Im counting down the days until next summer. LOL

her heart goes bang bang boom.

When i shut my eyes I can't walk straight.

I walk home everyday on the same route.One day I noticed a metal spring sitting out of the groove between the curb and the road. Not a big deal, just a metal spring. Each day I would walk home and if I stepped on the spring unintentionally it met I would have some kind of good luck that day. Now why did I think that? I have no clue. It was just a feeling I got. I tend to be a weird person. So everyday I would walk home trying not to look on the ground and hoping I'd step on the spring. Some days I would and some days I wouldn't. I wish I had some examples of good luck I had when I stepped on the spring. But Im sure it worked. I just forget lol. My mind is so messed up lol. But the spring is gone. There goes any luck for me.

i can't stop bitting my nails.

im tired and bored.
Im thinking about money. You can never have too much and you always have too little.
I think I might get a part time job waitressing. Its seems like a scary job.
Whats happens if I don't get my loan?
Im so anxious about everything that has to do with school.
My job is driving me up the wall. I just wanna scream. 12 more days..actually 10.Becasue I have 2 days off.
Too much going on in my head right now.

night.

My hair smells like oranges and I love it. I'd eat it if I could.

I put my 2 weeks in today. I will be officially finished work on Friday the 22!!Yippie. When I told my manager, she a) didn't care about anything I had to say. b) was mad that she'd have to find someone to replace me. Piss off. She wasn't even happy that I was going back to school. All she asked was what is the exact date you will finsh.And then walked away. I really hate that place. I can't wait to leave.

The anxiety is starting to ease on. I'm going back to school. Im quitting my job. I'm getting a loan that I will be paying back for 10 years. But I also feel so refreshed. So alive, my whole life is changing and its all in my power. For a long time I felt like I was living for someone else. Working my life around people and doing things to get my closer to them. But now I feel like Im proud of myself. This is just a huge step for me.

I feel like I haven't caught up in my sleep since my crazy night on Friday! I bought some new shampoo and it smells amazing. I can't stop smelling my hair. It smells like oranges. My hairs weird. I can only use the same shampoo for like 2 week and then it doesn't seem to work anymore. My hair gets greasy fast. So I always have to change it like every 2 weeks. Anyone's else hair get like that?



he's my guilty pleasure and I can't hid it.but its more than a feeling, its a connection.

manorexic is his name.straving is his game.

Its 8:16 am and I just got home. Ive been out all night. And I now have to work in 40 mins. Im munching on my sausage' n egg mcmuffins, there pretty scrumsious. My eyes are beginning to drupe as I type this, how will I make it through a full work day? I just want to crawl into my warm bed and cuddle up with my kitty.

We drove down to Amherst to party with a friend who was down for the night. Amherst is only about 45 mins away but we only left at 11:30. But we made it there with plenty of time for a few drinks. We had to sneak into the party pretending we worked at Scotia Bank. See it was so sort of tourtament for the people who work at Scotia Bank. But we crashed the party. I haven't seen so many older people bogeying in my life. I watch one women who must of been at like 50, grind a guy half her age. She turned around and wiggled her butt up and down him. It was very disturbing to watch.

It always a treat to drive in Cat convertible, everyone gettings excited. Chris and I actually sat in the back on top the hood or whatever. It was crazy, I thought I was gonna fall off. And the wind was blowing us so hard it was knocking the spit out of my mouth. Driving with the top down we looked at the stars, the only thing I could pick out was the big dipper.

Later that night we went back and chilled at Chris's hotel. I met quite a few people but I forget that names because Chris kept introducing them wrong. lol He was calling everyone "Amanda".


Our night was interesting to say the least! And now I must survive working. Wish me luck.
I'll be hitting the hay the second I came home from work! Mmmm..Sleeep!:)

I love boys with brown curly hair.

did u ever get those coughing fits that just won't stop.and they always happen in the worst places.

Time---> 1:42 am
Eating---> Viva Puffs
Wearing--->Black Tank top and yellow flowered pj pants.
Listening to---> My heavy breathing because my nose is stuffed up.
Talking to---> Brett & Drew
Wishing---> To go on a shopping spree.
Mood---> Mellow & relaxed
Song---> Bsb-just want you to know.
Thinking ---> When to quit my job.

bus ride

Bus Riding etiquette? Who knew. Sitting on the bench waiting for the bus I realized I was the only one without someone sitting next to me. Every other bench had atleast 2 people sitting at it. I looked myself up and down, if thats possible, did a little pit sniff , everything was A-OK. So why didn't anyone want to sit with me. Then I realized that I was sitting in the middle of the bench. The correct way to sit at an empty bench is to sit at either sides. Someone sittin in the middle intimidates other people to sit next to you, they fear they might be in your space, or they just don't want to sit that close to you. So in fear of being letf out for the rest of my 15 min bus wait, I slide to one end of the bench. You wouldn't believe it, seconds after a women came and sat with me, I must of smiled with too much excitement because she gave me a dirty look. lol. Oh well.

Good thing I brought a book, because I ended up having to wait for the bus for an hour on the way home. I bought a lunch and sat in the grass ready to read my book. But I couldn't keep my concentration. Im such a people watcher. Its so interesting to ease drop on people and watch them. But that didnt last too long everyone seemed to leave at the same time. So I found other ways to entertain myself. I captured a hornet in my sandwich container and watched it try to free its self. I didn't want to kill it, but I was too scared to free it, because it would probably get angry and sting me.So I threw out the container with the entrapped hornet still inside.

Back to my bus etiquette. Here are some rules I picked up. I based these rules on the dirty looks from people I received. Example in the back of the bus there are seats that face each other, I sat down and put my feet on the one infront of me, and an old lady beside me gave me a dirty look. SO I assumed it would be better if I took my feet down. I didn't. My feet were sore and there was no one sitting there. So whatever, she could give me all the dirty looks she wanted. But to my surprise the old lady streched her legs out and rested them on the seat. It was funny, they barely reached. Another time I got a dirty look was when exiting the bus I got out before 2 old ladies and as I waited for the door to open I hear them huff and tisks me. I think they wanted me to let them get out first. Ha snoze you lose ladies. So I guess I don't follow any of the rules and it seem like its only old people that give me looks. I think they believe they own the buses because there old.

Ms.Amanda's sicky.

It seems no one likes my blog any more. *Cries*. The most comments I have had in the past 2 weeks had been like 4.Wow. How depressing.
Anyways!.... I'm feeling so crappy, my throat feels like sandpaper. I actually woke myself up by choking on the gunk in my throat lol. My nose has so much pressure it feels likes its gonna explode and it's so stuffed up and runny. Its horrible.

Things to do.
1.Figure out when to quit work and put notice in.
2. Meeting on Thursday to register and apply for loans.
3. Figure out bus schedules and buy bus pass.
4. Look for part time job
5. Save money.
6. Breath.
7. Buy school supplies and new clothes. (YES!)

Cute email I got today.

This really happens!!!!! WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH!!

1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS.

2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. I DROP MY 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH I'M EATING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT.

6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE THAT I LOVE THEM
SOOOOO MUCH.

7. I GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME.

9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING.

11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO I KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. I YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO (I THINK) CHEATED ME BY GIVING ME JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. I THINK I'M IN BED, BUT MY PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

15. I START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."

16. I FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN I SIT ON IT.

17. MY HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. I'M TIRED SO I JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER I HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. I BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON MY BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME I'M IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM MY DRINK.
20. I TAKE MY SHOES OFF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

I didn't have time to proof read, so bare with me.

So Im at home kicking myself in the butt for not going to The Rolling Stones concert. I wanted to go so bad, because Im a pretty big fan, but no one was aloud to book time off at my work for that weekend. So gracefully backed down. If I would of know that I was going to finsh work at 12, I would of bought a ticket. But who could of known. But at work today a women gave me a free ticket. Argh I don't know why I didn't use it. I guess I just wasn't prepared. All my friends left early in the day. So I'd have to swim through 80,000 people to find someone I knew. But I guess I could of went with my dad. I was just soo tired and hungry. And just thinking about 80,000 people being there scared me.

My dad has called 3 times now, and we've been listening to the music in the background. Its B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!! I waiting for him to call back when "You can't always get what you want" My favorite Stones song.

Last night we took some friend out. They came up from Nova Scotia for the concert. Lets just say I spent the night being pissed off and waiting around. Im a girl who HATES to wait. The guys kept ditching us, or we'd lose them. And at the end of the night we were all suppose to met at the car and they were 45 mins late. I didn't get home until sometime after 3 am. Crazy.

Tell me this why can guy not dance alone??Why do they need to be clutching onto a girls hips to dance. Its drives me Nuts. Andrew one of the guys from N.S, wouldn't leave me alone. I love to be free and dance and move where I want. But he had to have his claw wrapped around my hip, bumping and grinding me. To make matters worse he didnt have any rhythm. He kept grabbing my arms and waving them around. A few dances with a guy is cool, but being attached by the hip all night is a downer. I think thats why he kept leaving me to dance with others girls, he was getting mad. Maybe he thought he was getting some from me this weekend! Ha..too bad.

I was sure a Man-magnet, everytime I turned around a different guy was dancing with me, I should just stuck with Andrew. Because these guys were, let say " not my type" . I'd danced with them for a few minute because I didn't want to hurt there feelings.

It was an interesting night to say the least!.

When I grow up I want to be.....................?

I have a meeting at a college tomorrow. Scary! Im actually serious about going back to school. I think Ive kicked myself enough. My jaw is sore. Which means Im stressed out.I either get a headache or a sore jaw. I have been searching online all day, about courses, student loans and money.If I take this course its from October to October. 4 hoursday. I'll have to quit my job and get a part time job. I'll need a way to and from school. I still need to save money to move away next year.So much to plan and think about. And Im sweating in this chair thinking about this meeting. I need to tell myself it will be fine, theres nothing to worry about. Silly me. Im a worry wart.

I opened a savings account!Yippie. I feel so proud of myself. Im gonna be a saver. I have $100 in the account so far. I plan on putting 100 a pay. But if I have part time it might be less, seeing that I'll be making less.

Last night Cat and I went on a mission to find street signs. We drove all around town spotting signs, so I could test me newly learned skills. Im thinking I will take my beginners course at the end of October maybe. It seemed like every few inches there was a cross walk. Or a no parking sign. I wanted a challenge, but I didn't get many. My next test is the sit in the driver seat with out having a nervous breakdown.

My smile could quickly turn to a frown.

August 28, 2005 an entry from my journal.

I just realized that August 26 past, on friday. It was his 22nd birthday. Watching t.v. I heard a movie coming to theatres on august 26 and I sat up and froze, hes still there wrapped around my heart, it hurts. Im thinking about him now., wondering what hes doing. What did he girlfriend get for his birthday? Is he watching the MTV awards ,is he bouncing to 50 cent like I am? Are we having a moment, invisible, but there? Were still connected, its out of our control. Im haunted. Im stuck living this life, and no one wants to share it with me. No one want to sacrifice themselves to try to save me. But I don't blame them. No good could come from it. Why am I so negative? I don't believe in myself anymore. It needs to change. I need to move on, move higher up.

A few days ago while I wrote this, I was upset. But I don't feel like this everyday. It comes and goes. And I guess thats how life works. You can not control what you think or feel. I can't control the tears or the pain. I have sort of accepted this, and I just play it by ear. I move when it is time to move, and cry when I feel I need to. And when its done, Im back to normal. Time heals all wounds.

Click it.

http://ilounge.com/blogthebook/

click on the link to win an ipod shuffle

IM BACK!

My internet was missing for 5 days, and I have been going insane. Whats a life with out the internet.lol I am working my 8th day straight tomorrow and I am just exhausted, my bones are cracking and my muscles tight and sore. You'll find me stomping up the hall swearing under my breath. This year has really made me see that I can not work like this for the rest of my life. I need to get more education, a better job, more money.

I have finished reading the drivers manual. Don't laugh at me. At age 21 I do not even have my beginners. But Im finally working at that. I have been studying and pretty soon I believe I will be ready to take the test. Im just soo bad with cars and driving. Actually I HAVE NEVER driven before. NEVER. I m soo scared.


I had about 55 emails mostly junk mail, and my friends have actually been texting me on my cell asking me if I am still alive. Plus I missed my blog. I have become so addicted to writing in my blog and all the people who comment. I love it.

My campuskiss.com email had a bout 25 messages. I don't actually talk to many people on this site, or got there very often. I guess I just use it of a forum of flattery. Some of the lines these guys use are hilarious , it either makes me laugh, or gasp, or just shake my head. But atleast it causes some sort of emotion. Here are a few of my lasted favorites.

Hi i am chris i have to say u stole my heart and breath ur defiantly breath taking and i feel that u would make some guys dreams come true anyways add me to msn ok

londonguy2525

your the most beautiful women I have ever seen

Doorman

hey cutie..whats up?...just passing by, checked your profile and pics...u seem nice.. your soo pretty and seem smart. Your really tanned. Thats hot. You must work out you have a nice body.msg me back if ya wanna !! see ya!!

latin1

If I lived where you lived. I would fuck your brains out. You soo fine. And those tits are huge.

GIjoe32

hello beautiful lady how are you? wow how can you be so super hot.Fuck me now.

Anyways enough with the messages lol. They always brighten my day hahaha.. Knowing that to these guys I am just a body, makes me feel great!:0)

meeeeh!

I dont have to much to say today.Feeling just alittle mellow and over tired. I think I lost myself in Halifax.So bare with me.

Brown Penny
William Butler Yeats
I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

Halifax- where drunk people go to met drunk people.

What a Getaway!:0) Two words anyone loves to hear... FREE UPGRADE! We were pleasantly surprised to find out we had an upgrade in my hotel room. Room 601 Home Office. It was like a mini apartment with a HUGE balcony. A living with a couch, a chair, a desk a table and TV. And we had a kitchenette,with included utensil's, plates mugs, glasses. Anything we needed. A fridge, microwave. And of course the bathroom. I was so impressed with the room.

We met up with Chris a friend of mine pretty much as soon after we checked in the hotel. I met Chris through my ex boyfriend, they are pretty good friends. And now me and chris are great friends. Chris brought his friend Andrew, who is hilarious. These guys were great they took us on a tour of Halifax and Andrew was being the tour guide pointing out everything. We then went back to our hotel and drank. We had an Ice cube attack. I was winning, until the two guys ganged up on me. So not fair lol!! We ended up drinking all night and headed down to the bar in the hotel and met some new friend. They were all old men. But they were soo cute and nice. Well most of them were. With the exception of one creepy man.

Im not gonna ramble on with long details. But we did get lost about 50 MILLION times. Every second street is a one way street, or you can't turn lefted. It was soo confusing. We shopped alittle but they basically have the same stores as us. We had AWESOME food. Tgi fridays, Ryan Duffys, My fathers mustache. We met a Cop in the Liquor store who graduated at the same school as us, he talked our ear off for like 15 mins. We are now pros at the Ferry. I 'd call my self the Ferry Queen. We rode the Ferry about 10 times. Its was pretty relaxing tho. Remind me next time that 8 brunt cds are not enough. We must of listened to them all about 10 times each, we need a bigger variety.

I know Im forgetting alot, but Im tired...And I work tomorow morning!!Bummer.

Just a few pictures from my trip

Laters

Catch you kids later. Hittin Up Halifax Until Wednesday!

the sun set apon his face

He layed beneath the cherry trees.Surrounded by the colorful flowers, more flowers than you could ever imagine.
And he hummed to him self, he hummed to the souls around him.

He hummed a tune so sweet, his lips puckered as he parted the air through.

Above him the sky was still endless, the clouds sparse and free.

The sun way always shining even when he closed his eyes.

He had no fear to open his eyes.

Every touch was soft, every smell was sweet.

A hush had fallen over his whole body encasing him with a warm sense of home.

His mind lacked all the clutter and the doubts.

But consumed all the scenery, the details petals painted with soft water color.

The trees bark was coarse and dense,the tree limbs look like they would never end, bursting forth into the sky.
All shallow and negative thoughts were buried in the dirt.

He looked around seeing familiar faces of the days behind him.

A rush of anxiety prickled through him.

He was standing in a field of dreams.

A pasture of endless summer.

He looked at the sky, it was bounteous with opportunities.

He laid back down beneath the cherry tree.

He could lay there all day.

soo angry. the world is messed up sometimes.

A man who has killed 10 people and gotton away with it for almost 30 years is gonna rot in prison. Sure, Im glad hes caught. And sure Im glad hes going to prison. But he doesn't deserve to live. He should be put to death. My dad made a good point last night. There a homeless people freezing and starving on the streets, but we chose to feed and shelter murders. All our tax money pays for scumbags to live a relativly healthily life in prison. There only down fall is most will never get out. They have 3 meals a day, a bed, tv's to watch, gym equipment to exercise on and they don't pay for nothing. Sounds like a better deal than mine. I can't even afford to buy a gym membership and no ones here preparing my food, plus I gotta pay for all of it.

The BTK killer wanted to be a famous serial killer. What a sick person.I wonder if one day when he was a young boy he decided that."Hmmmm. when I grow up I want to be a famous serial killer." Thats completely sick. This man even left letters to the press and made phone calls to the police telling them where they would find his next victim. He killed 10 innocent people. And for what reason?None at all. Im not going to say that murder is ever ok, but if you gonna do it atleast have a reason. Revenge might be one. I cant even think of anymore examples to kill someone. But to kill people for the pure pleasure of it, just makes me feel like this man doesn't deserve the breath hes breathing.

Think of all the victims, then double that about 10 times, becasue its not just the victims that are affected its the family and friends.That could end up being hundreds of people. And why they are suffering and trying to put there lives back together this man is pretending to live a normal life, pretending like he hasn't killed people. He has more chances than any of his victims even did.

I know the death penalty is controversial becasue theres always a chance of killing an innocent person. But I sure the btk killer admitted to the crimes. Why shouldn't be put to death. We know hes guilty! He wanted to play God and he took 10 peoples lives away, he doesn't deserve his own.

argh.

Ive got a major headache, all weeks been a giant headache actually. Ive been working all week, and theres been so many problems there and annoying people that I come home and go straight to bed. I haven't been in the mood to do much. On friday Cat and I did some shopping and went out for supper.But tonight Im just not in the mood to do anything, Im slumming lol. I semi packed for Halifax, its not a far trip but I can't wait because it gets me away from everything for atleast three days.

why don't we get along?

Gillian strolled in my room last night in a drunken state and crashed on my bed. I looked at the clock and it read 2:34 am. She looked at me and threw her head back, she proceeded to talk, asking me why " we weren't close, why couldn't we have a great sisterly bond."

Well I can't answer that. Its like its cosmically impossible. Its all the excuses we use agaisnt each other stacked up into a wall that divides us. I don't have a problem getting along with my other two sisters. But then again I feel like we share alot ofthe same things (the same sense of humour, simalar style and tastes.)

Gillian and I are complete opposites. Sometimes its an epic battle to get along with her. All I can pin point is I annoy her and she annoys me. Don't get me wrong we have some good times. But no matter what we always fight, weither it be petty or large arguments.It stems back to when we were kids, the things she did to me, she tormented me. I hurt her, I rejected her.

We push each others buttons, we scratch each others skin ontil its irrated. Its a habit we cannot break and its a wall we can not demolish.

I think the answer is deep in our souls.The reasons and explainations are all hidden. Its a like a code that needs to be unlocked.