August 28, 2005 an entry from my journal.
I just realized that August 26 past, on friday. It was his 22nd birthday. Watching t.v. I heard a movie coming to theatres on august 26 and I sat up and froze, hes still there wrapped around my heart, it hurts. Im thinking about him now., wondering what hes doing. What did he girlfriend get for his birthday? Is he watching the MTV awards ,is he bouncing to 50 cent like I am? Are we having a moment, invisible, but there? Were still connected, its out of our control. Im haunted. Im stuck living this life, and no one wants to share it with me. No one want to sacrifice themselves to try to save me. But I don't blame them. No good could come from it. Why am I so negative? I don't believe in myself anymore. It needs to change. I need to move on, move higher up.
A few days ago while I wrote this, I was upset. But I don't feel like this everyday. It comes and goes. And I guess thats how life works. You can not control what you think or feel. I can't control the tears or the pain. I have sort of accepted this, and I just play it by ear. I move when it is time to move, and cry when I feel I need to. And when its done, Im back to normal. Time heals all wounds.
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DAMNIT MISS Q MOVE CLOSER TO TEXAS. We could be best buds and have lunch after school or something. I hate it when nice people have such sad thoughts. Anyways just don't lose hope. You're how old again? and you still have a super long life ahead of you to meet that perfect guy. Don't rush these things, they'll happen when they happen.
"It has to stop raining some day."
awww Break...your soo Nice. Im 21.Usually your telling me to suck it up, write something happy. Im happy now that you said such nice things.Thanks ;0)
hehe no i'm not!
Just i guess if you were to meet me in person you'd notice i wouldn't let you talk about sad things.... because if you just think about those sad things you get stuck in a loop. I try and occupy my friends with other things. I know sometimes it's super hard that those bad/sad things just stay in your head no matter what. Especially if that person really meant a lot to you. But yeah! you have to try and look ahead and not stay focused on this one sad point in your life.
That's why i say you should move to texas so i could help you do some fun stuff instead of having you sitting their home on your computer thing about old hurtful things.
Your next post better be have a funny joke in it or something.
Aww all I need is you guys telling me these things. Makes me feel so darn special . LOL.
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