depressing me I know...lol

So the last post is really about a girl that died yesterday. I went to school with her, we were on the wrestling team together, I usually had to pratise with her because we were in the same weight category. I haven't really seen her since then, or even know her all that well anymore for that matter. But it doesn't make her death any less sad. I feel bad for her family and friends they are the ones who are suffering.

I got in a fight with my oldest sister. Gillian. But thats nothing new. [ I need to makes a side note first to help you understand. Sometimes just hearing my sisters voice annoys me.So sometimes I jump down her throat. We fight way to much.] So she walked in the door and asked if I knew the girl that died. I said "Yes. And I know she's dead." And I guess from my tone I sounded inconsiderate. But I didn't mean for it to sound that way. Im blunt, I always have been. I have talked about the death at least 10 times already that day, so when Gillian asked I was kind of nonchalant. She of course blow up at me saying that I only thought about myself. She told me I was self centered and couldn't empasise with anyone. I of course yelled back, not I'm sure what I said.I tried to explain to her that just because I don't cry when someone's dies that make me a bad person.I needed to defend myself, but it wasn't working. Anyways this went on for like 10 mins and my mom took my sisters side.

I do understand that my tone may of sounded like I didn't care. But I can be a little guarded with my feelings when people ask and I don't want to show. I do feel bad about what happened I just don't talk about it. My sisters will go on for hours talking about it and cry, And I will say that sucks. And write about it in my journal. But every thing I am saying is making me sound bad and making Gillian sound right. So I will shut up.