Loving these tubes

Sisters 

I love swimming.Too bad you cant actually swim in our pool its only thigh high. But I love it

OH what a lovely green tube. Laura, jessika and Nick

Summer morning

I could feel the wind cool against my skin but at the exact same time the sun's rays tickled with heat place my sunglasses over my eyes, the world still looks bright. I see the shadows dancing hand and hand with the trees branches. And laying in the bottom of the blue pool lives the suns twin.

summmer loving

I love the sun!!!And I love being tanned. I took a nap from 7 -11:30, now Im wide awake. But thats why I love summer so much, it doesn't matter when you go to bed or wake up!! Went to centennial park with Cat today. A whole flock of ducks circled us waiting for food. We feed them granola bars and blueberries. They weren't too happy.

temperature for today June 28th- 31. Degrees!!!:0)

Drawing by me. 

The last punch in the stomach

Im letting go.
I can feel it slipping through my finger tips.
The hunger has been fed, and it made me throw up.
Maybe I hoped it would be different.
But like Mick Jagger singers.
" You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes. You get what you need."
I wanted revenge. I wanted him back. I wanted to forgot. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to move on.
I wanted so many things, but what I needed was to let go.

Movie survey!

"X the movies u have seen and add a new one that is not on the list.If you have seen over 100 you are a movie slut."Well I don't think I'm a movie slut. A survey slut? Perhaps."

1.(x) Napoleon Dynamite
2.(X) Saw
3.( x) White Noise
4.(x) White Oleander
5.( x) Anger Management
6.(x ) 50 First Dates
7.( ) Jason X
8.(x) Scream
9.( x) Scream 2
10.( x) Scream 3
11.(x) Scary Movie
12.(x) Scary Movie 2
13.( x) Scary Movie 3
14.( ) American Pie
15.(x) American Pie 2
16.(x) American Wedding
17.( ) Harry Potter
18.( )Harry Potter 2
19.( ) Harry Potter 3
20.( ) Resident Evil I
21.( ) Resident Evil 2
22.(x) The Wedding Singer
23.(x ) Little Black Book
24.() The Village
25.( ) Donnie Darko
26.(x) Lilo & Stitch
27.(x) Finding Nemo
28.( ) Finding Neverland
29.( ) 13 Ghosts
30.(x) Signs
31.(x) The Grinch
32.( x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre(the original)
33.( x) White Chicks
34.(x) Butterfly Effect
35.(x) Thirteen going on 30
36.( ) I Robot
37.(x) Dodge ball
38.( ) Universal Soldier
39.( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
40.(x) Along Came A Spider
41.(x) Deep impact
42.(x) KingPin
43.(x) Never Been Kissed
44.(x) Meet The Parents
45.(x) Meet The Fockers
46.( ) Eight Crazy Nights
47.( ) A Cinderella Story
48.( ) The Terminal
49.( x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
50.( ) Passport to Paris
51.(x) Dumb & Dumber
52.( x) Dumb & Dumberer
53.( x) Final Destination
54.(x) Final Destination 2
55.( x) Halloween
56.(x) The Ring
57.( ) The Ring
58.( ) Harold & Kumar (white castle)
59.(x) Practical Magic
60.( x) Chicago
61.( x) Ghost Ship
62.( ) From Hell
63.( ) Hellboy
64.( ) Secret Window
65.( x) I Am Sam
66.( ) The Whole Nine Yards
67.( ) The Whole Ten Yards
68.(x) The Day After Tomorrow
69.( ) Child's Play
70.( ) Bride of Chucky
71.(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
72.(x) Just Married
73.( x) Gothika
74.( x) A Nightmare on Elm Street
75.(x) Sixteen Candles
76.(x) Bad Boys
77.(x) Bad Boys 2
78.(x) Joy Ride
79.(x) Seven (SE7EN)
80.( ) Oceans Eleven
81.( ) Oceans Twelve
82.( x) Identity
83.( ) Lone Star
84.(x) Bedazzled
85.( ) Predator I
86.( ) Predator II
87.(x) Independence Day
88.( ) Cujo
89.( ) A Bronx Tale
90.( x) Darkness Falls
91.( x) Christine
92.(x) ET
93.( x) Children of the Corn
94.(x) My boss' daughter
95.( x) Maid in Manhattan
96.( x) Frailty
97.( ) Best bet
98.(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
99.(x) She's All That
100.( ) Calendar Girls
101.( ) Sideways
102.(x) Mars Attacks
103.( ) Event Horizon
104.(x) Ever after
105.(x) Forrest Gump
106.( ) Big Trouble in Little China
107.( x) X-men 1
108.( x) X-men 2
109.(x) Jeepers Creepers
110.( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
111.(x) Catch Me If You Can
112.(x) The Others
113.(x) Freaky Friday
114.( ) Reign of Fire
115.(x) Cruel Intentions
116.( x) Hot Chick
117.( x) Swimfan
118.( ) Miracle
119.(x) Old School
120.(x) Ray
121.(x) The Notebook
122.(x ) K-Pax
123.() Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
124.( ) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
125.( ) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
126.(x) A Walk to Remember
127.( ) Boogeyman
128.( x) Hitch
129.( ) Back Door Sluts 9
130.(x) South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
131.(x) The Fifth Element
132.(x) Star Wars Episode I
133.( ) Star Wars Episode II
134.( ) Star Wars Episode IV
135.( ) Star Wars Episode V
136.( ) Star Wars Episode VI
137.( ) Troop Beverly Hills
138.( ) Swimming with Sharks
139.(x) Trainspotting
140.( ) People under the stairs
141.( ) Blue Velvet
142.( ) Sound of music
143.(x) The Parent Trap
144.( x) The Burbs
145.( ) SLC Punk
146.(x)Meet Joe Black
147.( ) Wild girls
148.( ) A Clockwork Orange
149.( ) The Order
150.(x) Spiderman
151.(x) Spiderman 2
152.( ) Amelie
153.(x) Mean Girls
154.(x) Shrek
155.(x) Shrek 2
156.(x) The Incredibles
157.( ) Collateral
158.(x) The Fast & The Furious
159.(x) 2 Fast 2 Furious
160.( ) Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
161.(x) Closer
162.(x) The Sixth Sense
163.( ) Artificial intelligence
164.(x) Love actually
165.( ) Shutter
166.( ) Ella Enchanted
167.(x) Princess Diaries
1168.(x) Princess Diaries 2
169.( ) Constantine
170.( ) Million Dollar Baby
171.( ) Life of David Gale
172.( ) 25th hour
173.( ) Vanilla sky
174.( ) Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
175.( ) Boogie Nights
176.(x) Braveheart
177.( ) The Anarchist Cook Book
178.( x) How to deal
179.( ) The King and I
180.(x) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
181.( ) Sphere
182.( ) Spirited Away
183.( ) Princess Mononoke
184.(x) The Never Ending Story
185.( ) The Secret of Nimh
186.( ) Close Encounters of the Third Kind
187.( ) Fire in the Sky
188.(x) The Wizard of Oz
189.( ) Im Gonna Get You Sucka
190.(x) Beetlejuice
191.( ) Spring Time in the Rockies
192.(x) Theres Something About Mary
193.( ) Murder by Death
194.( ) Tron
195.( ) Flashdance
196.(x) Center Stage
197.(x) Save the Last Dance
198.(x) The Nightmare Before Christmas
199.( ) Cat Woman
200.( ) Message in a Bottle
201.( ) Clue
202.( ) House of Flying Daggers
203.( ) Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
204.( ) Debbie Does Dallas
205.( ) Pink Flamingoes
206.( ) Mulholland Dr.
207.( ) Suspiria
208.( ) Gone Fishin'
209.( ) Akira
210.( ) The Boondock Saints
211.( ) Y Tu Mama Tambien
212.(x) The Cable Guy
213.(x) 28 Days Later
214.( ) The Spongebob Squarepants Movie
215.( ) Amores Perros
216.( ) The Dreamers
217.( ) Requiem for a Dream
218.( x) To Kill a Mockingbird
219.(x) It's a Wonderful Life
220.(x) A Christmas Story
221.(x) Batman
222.( ) Batman Returns
223.( ) Batman Forever
224.( ) Batman & Robin
225.( ) The Passion of the Christ
226.( ) Make Them Die Slowly (aka Cannibal Ferox)
227.( ) Labyrinth
228.( ) The Grifters
229.(x) Being John Malkovich
230.( ) Adaptation
231.( ) Eyes Wide Shut
232.( ) 2001: a space odyssey
233.(x) The Shining
234.( ) Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
235.(x) High Fidelity
236.( ) the city of lost children
237.( ) Me Without You
238.( ) But I'm A Cheerleader
239.( ) the Big Lebowski
240.( ) Delicatessen
241.( ) Human Traffic
242. (x) St. Elmo's Fire
243. (x) Armaggedon
244. (x) Napolean Dynamite

120 movies...excellent!!!

Watch where you step.

I wouldn't say I was sweating its more like glowing. Or maybe watering. Thats more lady like.I worked so hard today.I finished at 1:20, thats record time for a Saturday. I had to peel my clothes off, they actually stuck to my skin.

Ok, Im clumsy. There I said it. People don't understand how clumsy I am. Its just complete craziness. While sun tanning outside today I stubbed my toe. Now let me switch gears for a second, my sister told me I had utters lol? What the hell? I do admit I dont have a six pack or any pack for that matter. More like a little pot. But I still look good. I could add a few more sit ups to my daily routine, but Im soo lazy haha. Therefore I own a giant lazy muscle. Whatever lol who needs to be skinny. I dont, Ive got some meat and it suits me just fine. Ive got boobs a butt and a pretty face. It camouflages my little pug here and there. And come on Ive got a killer personality.

Ok im a little off track, back to my poor toe. On average I stub my toes about 15 times a week but this one was different, I lost a toenail!! My pretty red toenail broke right off. You could barely tell the difference between the blood and what was left of my toenail. Yes, you might of guessed it I am a complete "drama queen" I wailed and hobble all over the place. Moaning and crying, I even thought I was going to faint with all the blood I was losing. My dad was worried for about half a milla second and all he seemed to see was the blood I was dripping all over the floor lol. I grunted and gasped like a women having a baby as my mom wrapped up my toe. What horrible pain!!!!!! I know what your now thinking poor Amanda is going to have to bare the rest fo the summer with half a toenail. Gross.!

The rest of my sunny day was wonderful. I set up our pool and tanned all day. Heaven.

My love. 

purse

You know what would make me soooo happy?Someone buy me this purse its like only 88.00 bucks or something like that. What a cheap price for happiness!!

Supper @ Don Cherry's with Terri! 

Lacking motivation

I am really beginning to reevaluate my life. After going out to dinner with a friend, I began to compare my life to hers. She recently got egaged.Gradutaed form college, had a great well paying job. And just bought a home with her fiance. I don't even have my drivers licenses.:0(
I am completely fed up with cleaning peopels dirty sheets and sweating all day. I need something more. I can't save a penny. Well that's not true I have about 40 dollars saved in a tin can. I don't have a serious relationship in my life. I feel as if I have nothing to be proud of my biggest accomplishment was graduating. I need to move forward and make huge changes. But I feel I don't have the motivation. I want something more. But maybe its just meant in my dreams. I don't seem to be a go- getter, I rather just want for something to come to me. Why can't I work hard for what I want? Well i don't even know what I want. I wanted to be a painter. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be a movie star. But I could settle for being a secretary or working in an office. Or maybe a working with kids in some way.

I can't live off $ 8.40 for ever!!!!:0(

My sister Laura, isn't she a Beauty! 

Summer loving. 

New Hair cut. 

Feeling alittle PINK

I am beginning to notice myself in the mirror again. There isn't a faint waste of color smeared across the frame. The zipper in my pants broke, i don't know if it's because I'm fat or if its because well, im fatter.Its like weeks go by and I only realize whats going on way after it happened. My nails have grown and Im fairly proud of that.I painted them red and I felt mature.How a paint colored on my nails can make me feel more mature is beyond me. But I'll accept it. I stood in the line up at the grocery store and I chipped away at the nail polish, I was bored of standing in the same spot. I walk towards the door and notice a women examining me and I wonder if she can see the stray hairs around my eyebrows. They really need to be plucked. I feel naked. I brush my teeth with my tongue. What is she staring at? I walk away catching her eyes on purpose. I cut my hair the other day, its a lot shorter. And I thought about "him", I was scared I would now be ugly. Because I remember he once told me he didn't like girls with short hair. He said his ex chopped off her long hair and he wasn't as attracted to her. I was terrified to cut my hair when I was with him. And now every time I cut it short and I don't even mean short, I mean anything above my collarbone I wonder. Would he still think I was pretty? Its weird how one persons thoughts or opinions can really make you feel ugly. Even if its just for second, its really a low feeling.

Poor poor rich girl.

Please don't try to tell me you are not rich when you've had your own car since 16. Its funny how people who have money always try to deny that they have it. I mean why be ashamed? I know so many people who get offended when you comment on how much money they have, or there parents have. Its like they want us to believe our lives are the same. In reality they are not, I know my family has always lived paycheck to paycheck and we couldn't alway get what we wanted. We couldn't always have the brand names and go on trips.
I wouldn't say my life was deprived, but we were not overloaded with opportunities. But to have a person downplay there life, almost whining, is kind of a insult. Maybe they don't want people to think they are spoiled or that they deserve there money because they didn't always have it. It all doesn't matter, because we see them driving around in there SUV's and sporting the newest Kicks. We see then heading to somewheres warm every march break. Not having to worrying about paying for college and still getting an allowance at 21.
They wine that they are poor, but whenever they ask mommy and daddy for money its handed to them. Im proud that I earn my own money, and when I spend my pay check on a shopping spree its all my money. My parents don't supply me with spending money. And when the money has disappeared, Im broke. No ones gonna hand me 20 dollars. Im stuck for 2 weeks. And too look at a rich friend and say Im broke and hear them echo it back annoys me. And I know people will tell me that they aren't rich, there parents are. But they still have no worries. The Bank of Mom or Dad is always opened.

I know Im ranting about something pointless and really doesn't affect me. But it gets annoying. And I love to complain lol. Get used to it.

Pink is the new Black. 

Ooooh La La

Fire Engine Red

I painted my nails hooker red. Wow do I feel sexy!

Can I model Or what??

The Hair Do

So I cut my hair today, I was trying to be chic and modern but i ended up looking like a kid. Well not really a kid, but the look was unexcepted. I always have this picture in my head of what my hair will turn out like and it rarely looks the way i dreamt it. Its a highlighted reddish bob. I was aching for a change and I sure got it. Well wither I like it or not, hair always grows back. Right?!
I going to the clubs tomorrow night. I wanted to look hot. But now Im stuck with this LOL.

muisc

Here are some tunes im listening to.

Kayne west- "Diamond are forever"
Cold Play - "Speed of sound"
Foo fighters- "Best fo you"
Joss Stone- "Spoiled"
112- "U already know"


Goodnight,goodnight by Hot Hot Heat
" So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my lifeSo Goodnight"


Middle of Nowhere by Hot Hot Heat

" Don't get mad if I'm laughing
Blame the caffeine for all the 5 am phone calls
I haven't slept a single night in over a month
And not even once did you start to make sense to me
Well maybe I'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent
She said, "Unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."


Too bad about your girl by The Donnas

"It's too bad about your girl
She doesn't look like she's much fun
It's too bad you got a date tonight'
Cause you're lookin' like you're the one"


Im just loving Hot Hot Heat & the donna's seriously check out some more of there songs!

Annoyed

So I listen to everyone's problems so much I should become a therapist. Like Geez come on, can't we talk about something other than your problems. I have become a pro at this.But as time wears on I tend to loose control. After hearing complaints about the same guy, and me giving the same advice over and over again. Usually being "leave him".It goes in one ear and out the other.
Get a grip, or stop asking me for advice!





P.s I rarely involve people with my problems.

A bit of everything...

How often can you believe in beauty.
A sunny day will often turn into showers.
Stunning flowers will wilt into mush.
A fence that once was, now lays lifeless and useless.
Its like the boldness of beauty fades.
And were left with the pictures.
**********************************************************************

Rose Fragrance
Golden brown skin
Red glass toe nails
Dedicated looks
Enchanted dreams
Tiny white pearls
Plum cheeks



" go ahead baby run away again, im getting tired of chasing you.Know that I said it all before. I aint going to be your fool anymore."
This is a song lyric from a song I have misplaced. If anyone knows the name of the song.That would rock.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Movie to watch* - Stand by me- starring River Phoenix, Jerry O'Connell, Coery Feldman and Wil Wheaton

Can you guess who this is?

Buying a whole new life.

I bought a shirt today, I wished it was a size smaller and had sequins.I walked in these high heels they were pink and they made my legs look slim. But they gave me huge blisters on my feet.I looked good, that was what matter at the time.I spent all my money on clothes. Colorful pieces of cloth.I bought a 10 dollar tube of lipgloss, i smoothed it on my lips.There was an old man looking at me, he winked. I gagged.My cheeks are flush, but the air conditioner pricked my bare arms. I ran my fingers through my loose hair.I wanted to cut it. It would be easier to manage in the hot summer months.I have this can full of spare change, its my savings.It could equal 30 dollars if Im lucky.My feet ached and my fingers were strangled by my shopping bags.It was time to go home.

This is the first thing I bought on Ebay.Its my ALL TIME fave Purse!!:) 

A sketch by Moi. 

Over

I am being level head when I flip my words at him, leaving a hissing sound
I can't stand to bare my soul anymore, I wiped the heart off my sleeve.
I hear people ramble and rumble about their lives and lately I couldn't be bothered.
I sit at a crowded table as sentences whiz by my face so fast my hair brushes across my forehead.
He can't expect me to play these games.
I fused over my hair and my outfit a few times for him.But its getting old.
I can't see any reason to chase after him, its too cold.And I am too tired.
And I've learnt so many new things about him, things that annoy me and make me turn my head.
He popped my bubble and deflated my dreams.I lack the strength to pursue him.
He won't promise me the stars.And we will never commit to anything.So why bother.
I can't stand the let downs and lost emotions.
It drains me,and send my mind through an up roar.
Im like a pink balloon slowly leaking air, deflating,disappearing.
I can't break the code and I cannot unlock the door.
I keep waiting for it to open,maybe its old and needs to be oiled.Maybe its broken.
The other door closed a long time ago.
I am trapped between the too.

Quiz

I never do these things. I hate them and there all the same. But I am deadly bored.So here it is.Enjoy, maybe you'll learn a bit about me.


1.First Name: Amanda
2. Were you named after anyone? Nope..my parents just picked the name at the drop of a hat
3. Do you wish on stars? Every night
4. When did you last cry? a few nights ago
5. Do you like your handwriting? No Ive always hated my handwriting. I prefer to Print.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? lunch meat?? Black forest Ham and Turkey.. and Tuna
7. What is your birth date? May 9 1984
8. Where are your ancestors from? I dunno lol
9. If you were another person,who would YOU be? I wouldn't mind be jessica simpson for a day. or maybe a week.But Im fine being myself.
10. Are you a daredevil? um in certain instances, but not usually
11. Have you told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes I do it all the time. But I know most of the time they will tell somebody anyways. Thats why I keep the juicest stuff to myself.
12. Do looks matter? First impressions matter and thats like 70 percent of what you notice first. So yes looks do matter to a certain degree. But I would much rather be with a guy with is sweet funny and smart over a Ben afflect look alike. >
13. How do you release your anger? I write or paint. I go for long walks and yell.
14. Where is your second home? I don't have one.
15. Do you trust others easily? Not really.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Cabbage Patch Doll, barbies and my Skip It.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? any math after the basics. Who needs to know x +a = y
18. Do you have a journal? I have a million and now an online one.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot?Too much...to the put when people don't know how to respond.
20.What were your nicknames? manda , mandy. mander.
21. Would you bungee jump? um No.
22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No..never.
23. Do you think that you are strong? Yes in every asspect... but my arms are alittle weak.
24. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint chip and fudge & monkey business
25. Shoe Size? 7 sometimes 6.
26. Red/pink? PINK
27. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? stomach. but whatever
28. Who do you miss most? thats a secret. and if i told you I'd have to kill you.
29. Do you want everyone you sent this to you to send it back? sure..if they want.
30. What color pants are you wearing? blue and green carebear pj pants. tehy rock
31. What are you listening to right now? the scientist by coldplay
32. Last thing you ate? Strawberry toaster struddles and a salad
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? PINK
34. What is the weather right now? cold thats all that matters
35. Last person you talked to on the phone?elijah
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? smile teeth and eyebrows
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yuppers shes a sweet gal.
38. Favorite Drink? water and fruit punch juice and milk. 1 percent.
40. Hair Color? brown w/blond highlights... im gettin my hair cut and dyed on thrusday YAY!!41. Eye Color? Dark brown
42. Do you wear contacts? no
43. Name of Pet?Ice ginger maryjane and fluffy
44. Name of Favorite childhood Pet? cleo
45. Last Movie You Watched? when harry met sally. I love that movie
46. Scary movie or happy endings? happy endings
47. Summer or Winter? Summer!!!!!!
48. Hugs or Kisses? a big long, hug
50. Who is most likely to respond? no one lol
51. Who is least likely to respond?everyone.
52. Living Arrangements? my parents and sisters.
53. What books are you reading? I haven't read in a few weeks. I need to go back to chapters and get a fresh supply.
54. What is on your mouse pad? its just black with an arm rest thingy.
55. What did you watch last night on TV? one tree hill.
56. Favorite smells?the smell of freshly cleaned clothes
57. Rolling Stones or Beatles? BOTH!!!LOVE THEM BOTH!!!
58. What's the farthest you have been from home? CUBA>

This is the tree in my front yard. Now does that say summer, or what?

ahhh. Summmer!

I have made a list of things I love about summer. These are just the basics, If i had a few hours Im sure i could type up 200 hundred reasons. But these will have to do.Tell me some of your favorite things.

1. Warm swimming water.
2. the sound of crikets.
3. I actually love walking to work in the morning, its sunny and warm and the birds are always singing.
4. Going to the beach. Hot sand between you toes. Wave crashing and building sand castles.
5. I love the smell of fresh cut grass. And the feeling of running through the grass barefoot.
6. BBQ's I love how you can smell a bbq 2 streets away. I love eating hots dogs and hamburgers. Everything taste better grilled.
7. The sun is amazing in the summer. In the morning when it warm and yellow. In the afternoon when its hot and blazing. And after supper when is cooling down, changing colors and setting.
8. You always have the best adventures in the summer.
9. Ice cream.
10. Watching softball games.
11. Walking down main street. Its always soo busy, everyone out. I love to sit at one of the pubs and watch people.
12. Hiding in my basement in the afternoon and napping with my fan on fill blast. The airs crisp and cold againt my hot skin and the sun shines through my wind. Its the best feeling.
13. Road trips. even if you hot and your legs are sticking to the seats, its worth it.
14. Sun tans.
15. Summer clothing. Short skirts, tank tops, flip flops, and bright colors.
16. Sitting outside at night, in the dark writing. I feed off all the sounds and city lights.
17. Watching my cat roll in the grass and chase bugs.
18. Fresh veggies grow from a garden.
19. watching the stars.
20. The smells.
21. The fully bloomed colorful flowers.
22. Bands laying outside.
23. Cooling off outside after a night of dancing and walking home after the clubs.
24. Summer love.
25. Time doesn't matter in the summer.

Him

I took out HIS shirt today and I decided to wear it. I am in need of comfort. I wore this pale yellow t shirt every night while I was in cuba. It was a piece of HIM. I still own alot of HIM. I have piece of HIM all over.Too often I catch myself spilling out HIS words and his ways. At night I reach my arm to the empty side of the bed.I am not pretending anymore. But its a soft feeling ; just to remember. I faced the facts that HE will probably never leave me.HIS memories are engraved in me. And I will love HIM for a long time. I can not read the future but I bet HE will be resting in my heart. HE'S taken 2 years of my life, with or without HIM, HE still resides in my life. Its an ongoing battle to fight, trying not to lose myself to HIM.

Jess.

i love Jessica simpson. And I love her Clothes! I wanna be Jessica. Well except for her new video. "These boots are made for walking." She looks like a skank. Im kind of disopointed in her. Shes beginning to look like every other blond! And she slimmed down so much, like she still looks good. But scary too. Becasue she had great curves. Oh well I would still love to have her wardrobe even tho I couldn't fit into it lol.

The Obession 

This is not true...I wrote this..

I remember the night with precise detail, the moon hung low in the sky. I could smell the sweet scent of my neighbors roses and the freshly cut grass. He just dropped me off at home, I felt the buzz slowly escaping me, my laughter echoed the star filled sky. I could see the liquor run though his pupils his hands fast with motion trying to keep up with his words. We staggered together towards my front door.

He was tripping over his feet. The dogs bark made us jump. We had partied all night, drinking shot for shot and dancing through the house. He told me he drove better drunk, the alcohol washed through his blood made him alert and steady. I listened to his voice, it was firm and playful. He never needed help with homework or struggle with solving problems. He was so smart how could be be so stupid. I blame myself every day for this situation. I wasn't strong enough to say no. I couldn't fight with him. We had such a great night together, everything felt so right. So I kissed him gently on the lips, pulling him close. I didn't want to let him go.

My feet felt like a cement block, I could barely lift them up the stairs. I watched him from the doorway race to his car. He waved at me. I called to him asking him to be careful and not to drive to fast. He flicked his wrist and chuckled.He backed out of the driveway with force and I bite my bottom lip. There was a voice inside of me ushering me to stop him but I was drunk and I felt like the world was on my side. I slipped into my house and crawled into bed. I dreamed of his face and our special kiss. I knew I loved him but how could I let someone I love die. Because the next morning I was awaken with a sharp voice. The crash killed him instantly the voice shook out the details. I remembered the night with precise detail, i remember every word we said. But I will never forget what I didn't say. And that cost him his life and took the rest of my life away .



comments--tell me what you think.

Chapmans Ice Cream Sandwiches

I am addicted to ice cream sandwiches. My mom usually buys horrible snaking food. But 2 days ago she arrived home with a box of 24 ice cream sandwiches. I enjoy i.c sandwiches, but after taking a bite out of the chapmans i.c sandwiches I fell in love! I have been eating 3 - 4 a day. In the back of my mind theres a picture of me looking like a beached whale wearing a pink bikini and I shudder. But it doesn't scare me away from eating these things. Its an obession. I hope I get sick of them real soon.
Other then the i.c. sandwich Im doing good on my healthily living idea. I've walked a few nights and did my sit up routine. And Ive been eating healthily and drinking tons of water. Laura went walking with me tonight. Equipped with our mp3 players and track suits we trekked down the street. Actually we sprinted in fear of the june bugs. But after a few minutes we were gasping for air lol and said screw the bugs. They didn't bugs us all night. (excuse my pun lol)

Now Laura and I are pretty much the same person in different bodies. We usually find the same things funny and do the same weird things. Anyways one of our walking routines is crazy dancing/ model walk. Its alittle roll of the shoulders, booty shaking, skip, foot kicking dance. Its soo funny. People drive by and probably think were drunk, but it makes the walk to much more fun. Dont try to tell me walking like a models easy. Pullaze!!! They have this crazy hip bounce foot in front of foot walk. And geez it kills your legs. But it looks funny.


Q's outtie!

Its alittle dusty but I couldn't make it through the night with out him! 

Tinted.

Statisfaction. In all cases your never fully satatisfied.

Anchored. The dirt has settled and my place is anchored in the grown.

Disolving. The life I loved is disolving and only key peices or concrete.

Cramped. The messed is cramped and compacted into thiny places. And I never put them there.

Transparent. Its like holding a glass to my face, my life is transparent in ways but tinted in others.

Disillusion. Its like a sunset tha casts off grays and purples. Were living in full disilluison.

Dismiss. Ive been dismissed and Ive been sold to the market. And its all torture.

I love fancy drinks! 

Ice Ice Baby

So I thought I lost my best friend. Ice , my cat got outside Wednesday night and never came home! I honestly didn't know what I was going to do. You need to understand how cool my cat is. Hes kind of like a dog, he sits at the door and waits for me to get home from work. He follows me around everywheres. He even sleeps on my pillow with me every night. If I take a nap, he takes a nap. If I go upstairs he goes up stairs, if I watch tv he does. I love him sooo much.
Picture me walking around my neighborhood with a can of cat treats shaking it and yelling " Ice....Ice...Ice". It was only 29 degrees yesterday people probably thought I had heat stroke or something. So anyways he did come how early Friday morning. He came to the door and made the loudest meowing noise I ever heard. What a drama queen (or I should say king). He needs to let everyone know hes home.

Im loving "Best of you" by the Foo fighters. Get it!!!

New Favorite reality shows "Hells kitchen" on Monday nights Chef Gordon Ramsay is hilariously mean !
And " The Cut"on Thursday nights. Its like a fashion show run by Tommy Hilfiger and of course I love anything with fashion. Nows thats "Project Runway" is almost over its a great time for a new replacement.



A's gone.

Ice I ce Baby! 

Drunk people are funny!!!

A few months back Catherine and I went to eat at Sports rock after hanging out at joeys. Now we love the SP and we eat there quite often but its usually after 12 am. We go there after the clubs and drinking, cheap food and there open 24 hrs. Anyways we were sober that night and just finishing off our BLT wrap when 3 guys clearly plastered walked it. They pointed at us and said " lets sit with those pretty ladies." Of course catherine and I ignore them, thinking they were talking about someone behind us. To our surprise they pulled chairs to our table and fell into them. Now these 3 guys were soo hilarious the stuff that was shooting out of there mouths.Here are just a few of there quotes.

"your purse looks like a crocodile from the 60's that likes to dance."

"hey sparkle eyes, your pretty"the guys sitting next to me says to me.

"Why are you being so nice to us, are you going to try and steal our car?"

" My friend has a sheep that doesn't like cigarette smoke and wears a diaper."

while pointing to catherine's purse which has cats all over it, one of the guys says " Here kitty kitty"

" I don't want to eat my own french fries, I want to eat hers because they taste incredible."

" Do I look drunk"

These guys were sooo funny I almost peed my pants. The stuff they were saying didn't make much sense and one of them feel sleep on the table ..LOL


heres to a goods night.

Back in the Day!!! What a Hottie Joanne.