Shes a lady.whoooa..whoooa..whooooa.... tom jones...

All done up for school
My days feel like they are soo long, but then they feel like I do not have enough time to do anything. Everyday I take the bus and wait for the bus for 4 hours. 2HR to get to school and 2HR to get home. Its is such a
- hassle
-annoying
-long
-boring
-tiring
- uncomfortable
Im trying not to talk about people, and Im trying to keep an open mind about people. But I am already annoyed. There are two people in my class who feel the need to answer EVERY question and tell stories about themselves. They talk about there kids and problems.For some reason they seem to think it is a therapy session. Or they feel they need brag themselves up and tell us every aspect about their lives. Maybe they think this will make us like them more. It drives me nuts. We can not get through any lesson without 55 interruptions.

Every person in my class is in a relationship. I am the only single one. I didn't pay ten thousand dollars just for a education, I thought they might throw in a boyfriend too. But gueez if everyone is taken what am I doing here. Im just playing. But I did hope to see some hot single guys. It is only my 3rd day and there are only 2 boys in my class.Ha. I am sure there are many more guys in the school, I will begin my hunt tomorrow.

Today was business dress day. I love dressing up. I love looking professional, one of the reason why I wanted to work in an office was so that I could dress sharply every day. Well who am I kidding it was the biggest reason.I only started my business attire this year.I have a few pairs of dress shirts. 1 blouse and a few dressy sweaters. And one pair of flats and black boots. I'd like to get a suit and a few skirts and more blouses. I felt so sophisticated today. I loved the way I looked.

Thanks to Melanie I am obessed with the face transformer, I have been playing with it for hours. I am going to post my favorite ones.I can't stop laughing at them .I must of tired like 12 different pictures of myself so far.And everyone one in my family. Thank you Girl...this will help with my boredom.

please tell me again what my names is, I seemed to have forgotton!

She took her rag and wiped off the window.Standing there with her hood pulled tightly over her face.She should of wore gloves.Her fingers were so frozen they cracked.She didn't prepare herself,standing there unable to move. She didn't know what her heart was saying when she seen him standing there.He was so small.He had round chubby cheeks.He wore velcro sneaker.Blue overalls and a striped red and black long sleeve shirt.He looked like a prince.He'll surly impress the girls when he is older, she said to herself. At the moment she caught his eye through the window.She was shocked when he raised his hand and spread his fingers.She put her hand on her heart,it was too cold to cry.She turned around and stepped away from the window.

I changed my layout for one second and now i lost all my links and stuff. Booo..Guess i'll have to remember how to do that again.
First day of school. Quite boring and exciting at the same time. I have a headache. And I had homework lol.
Going to be early . Im tired.

Im cooking french fries and fish sticks in a toaster oven. Its been 40 mins and they are still cold. My dad is laying down new tiles for our kitchen so the oven is out side. I have a limit source to cook with. It was either the toaster oven or a microwave.And I hate soggy fries. Maybe I should of just mad a sandwich, but there no counter space and I'd have to lug everything into the living to make it on the coffee table. Too much of a hassle. Our house is a mess.

I rejected the offer to go out tonight. I had three different options, but i backdown for all of them. Im tried and cranky. I was out last night late. I just wanna stay in. But A really cool group of friends are going out tonight. I know it would rock. But of course even if I wasn't tried..Im broke. Well not broke, but I can't be spending it on liquor and cab fares. A night in with my soggy fries and whatever movie is playing on tv should be decent lol.

I had a steller time last night. We were all over the town, cat and i. We went to an early movie. "In her shoes" it was a sweet movie. Then we headed over to joeys house, played some poker and chit-chatter. And then we drug that whole game over to storms. A kareokee club.It was lissa college graduation party. The crowd was small, but the singing was awesome and the people were great. I sucker joey into buying me two shot and two drinks. I was feel buzzed. The only downer of the night was the drunker man, passing out on his stool. I am sure he pooped his pants. Its smelt so vile, so disgusting. OMG.They had to kick him out. We all got a good laugh out of it!

Im straving!!!

She's a charmer.

"Lord give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference?"

Whoa bare with me on the lenght. brain fart!!

When I look back, I see how naive and forgiving I was. I lived in a dream, I believe that if I want something or someone enough that I could grasp it in my hands. After Mark and I broke up, we went months without talking. I knew what to expect, I've seen it all before.I just hoped it would be different I believed in him so much I thought I could change the situation. I guess I wasn't naive then, I was just completely stupid. I never regret things I have done, because everything happens for a reason and what we chose to do with them is what really matters. And I have learnt and I have grown. But neither retrospect or knowlegde would stop me from doing it again. Mark and I began talking online probably 6 months after we broke up. It was sweet and it captivated all my attention. He swallowed me up in his first sloppy sentence. We were friends, but playing lovers games. We spoke every night.We dug deep into the past and share our problems. I felt so close to him again and his friendship meant the world to me. I wanted more, but I wasn't selfish.I would settle for what I had. Later on we began talking on the phone. His voice enchated my all over again. I'd giggle at the way he said certain words and his silly ghetto lingo. I guess thats when I began to dream. I never stopped dreaming about him actually, but now the dreams were real. Vivid. And I knew I could control them.

Silly girl. He wanted to see me. And looking back on it, that was the truth, he missed me, he was craving me. But there were so many barriers surrounding us, blocking us. The connection was still there, it never faded.It was the world that was holding us back. So I agreed to go visit him. It was about a 5 hour drive on the bus. I was ecstatic! I won't lie, In my heart I had ideas, I had hopes, but my brain grounded me. Mark had mentioned a girl, they had been hanging out.Nothing serious. He invited his friend greg, who I was pretty close with to help with the awkwardness. The trip was long but wonderful.Greg picked my up from the bus spot in Lower sackville and drove me to Marks.

We went to his work to met him there.I stood outside. I knew that the girl he liked or was sort of seeing worked there and they didn't want me to see her. It was clear to me. He told me about Jaime. He said they had been hanging out.They were not serious. They were not a couple. They were friends, she liked him.And he didn't know what he was feeling. So right there I knew it would be a little rocky. Don't ask me why I thought things would be smooth in that aspect.

Anyways I waited there, fixing my shirt. I had to look great for my first appearance, he hadn't see me in months. He strutted out.He was nervous I could tell by the expression on his face. He smiled. He was careful not to get to close. It was awkward in the sense that I wasn't too nervous but he was. So I pulled away not to look to desperate to see him. We drove to his place in pretty much silence. But once we were in his apartment and settled we were all at ease. We rented movies and got some liquor. I guess we all needed some liquid courage. From then on was a blurr. I got a little wasted.Trying to show off that I could could drink with the boys.. Mark had never seen me drunk or really drinking. I wanted to impress him. I remember getting closer to him and hugging him.

Then he put me to bed. I got up dizzy and drunk and seen female clothes on the floor. I threw them out the window. Haha..They were probably jamies. I guess I kept saying, whats that girls name..the one with the boys name. Jeffrey. lol. He came into the room and I couldn't remember anything else. I believe we had sex, but I probably passed out on the guy. I woke up feeling sick and I was wearing different undies and a top. And on the floor was a condom.Used. I asked him about it but he denied it. I am not sure why. Maybe he felt angered by my passing out episode. He blabbed on about seeing jamie, and i was just in love with him.This made me angry.Why would he lie. The evidence was on the floor. We of course fought. The day was long. I spent more time with greg. It was pretty eventless.

That night he asked if I would like to met Jaime. Why was I soo stupid? Why did I feel the need to put myself through deliberate pain. I said sure. I was trying to be his friend, remember. I know the only reason why he invited her was to make both of us jealous. In all honesty she looked like trailer trasher.She was loud and swore to much.She smoked and was rude. This was not the type of girl mark usually fell for. My guess is he's was lonely.And she was fun to be around.I was so kind ot her.I made her drinks and tried to initiate conversation. She pretty much ignored me. The night was horrible. I did my best to play the part of a happy sweet ex girlfriend. How messed up is that. But it was the most awkward situation. Why would I want to be with my ex whom I was still in love with and watch him with another girl. We we went to the clubs and I showed him. I danced with every guy I seen. He spent most of the night looking for me. We didn't talk much.Jamie kept him away from me most of the night. She obviously didn't like me. Even tho I went out of my way to be nice to her. Im just like that. When I should be mean I can't.

We got back to his apartment and I growled at him, telling him I didn't want her to spend the night. But she had to, he said, she lived 30 mins away. And he had been drinking he couldn't drive her home. He promised me they'd sleep on the couch. One on each end. Again looking back on it. I had no right to tell him what he could do.And he didn't have to listen to me.But he did. But why would we put each other through this. I spent the night crying in Gregs arms. I made myself sick thinking about them. I was in a horrid mood in the morning. I hid in his bedroom until atleast 12. Because I didn't want to confront her. And I didn't want to see something I'd regret.When I finally crawled out of my hole she was gone.
I think we went out to eat and to the movies. The day was weird. I was holding onto a string.I didn't want to flip at him. We fought a bit, and I hid in his room writing and crying. Greg decided to leave to let us have some time alone.

We layed on his bed for hours talking. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. I knew him like the back of my hand.And everything I guessed or thought was right. He wanted to make me jealous.I told him that Jaime wasn't right for him. He shouldn't just use her to cure his loneness. I even told him I thought she was trailer trash.He laughed so hard. But he told me, I was right. I was always right.Sometimes that made him so mad. But he still loved me, he always would. He knew Jaime wasnt right for him.It was just fun. The conversation we had was so truthful and so blunt. It made me happy to have trust in him.I know that if we lived in the same city we would of gotton back together. But we didn't and we talked about that. We remember all the good times we had. All the funny memories.

The rest of the night we watched movies together.Semi cuddling, i think we were both scared to cross any boundaries. It was so comfortable was aching for him. We cuddled all night. I missed the smell of him. I missed the way he held me. Those 13 hours or so were some of the best hours of my life. And it made the horrible weekend worth the pain.

I just wonder why my love is so strong and his wasn't. I would walk through fire. I'd do anything.And that weekend proved it.I'll never know what I was thinking, but I guess love makes you do crazy things. Its like a spell that hes cast on me. After that weekend we still talk.But it slowly faded.

When I draw a nose it remsembles a sausage.

So u'd think my mother wouldn't mind driving me to my orientation. I mean sure she was home sick, but she could still drive. She just had a few cramps.It would of saved me a lot of waiting around. But she "of course" she whined and acted like she was dieing. Soooo my orientation only lasted about 45 mins and I spent the rest of the day on the bus or waiting for the bus. Thats was like 4 hours. I was really cranky with my mom. She stood in the window waving at me as I waited for the bus. I just ignored her.

I've got my loan all figured out and I start school on monday. There are still alot of things I need to do. I should make a list so I don't forget. Im gonna dig in my saving so I can buy some new clothes for school. Horrible I know. But I need some business clothes. Black boots, dress pants and dressy tops. And my trip to Halifax is canceled. Well tentatively. Im gonna keep our reservation at the hotel for another week and see what my money flow is like then.

My job happenings are still up in the air. I will be going to the school from 1-5 most of the time. Every few months its 8-12. So its hard to find a job, the mall only stays open until 9.I wont get off the bus until atleast 6:30. So Im looking at like sobeys because they stay open 24 or maybe shoppers they are opened until 12. We'll see. I'll keep looking.

So my kittys eye is getting better. I've been putting the drops in his eye every few hours. Its such a pain and he hates it. I have to chase him around the house. It looks painful.Theys like a hunk of eye hanging..Its gross. The vet wants me to bring him back. But I don't have another 50 bucks to pay for that. Lets just hope that it keep healing and he gets better.

I've been drawing again these past few days. My mind is so weird. I get writing blocks and drawing blocks and painting blocks. But my block seems to have evorated.And now I can draw. Its so relaxing. Im so hard on myself tho. I look at my work and think it looks bad.And I pick it apart. Im trying just to draw.Who cares what it looks like. Its my art work.

Anyways my wrist is actaully aching from drawing and now typing.
Im out.!

Can someone please tell me who to grow a money tree.

Look at this pretty face... Im losing it. Im so STRESSED.Stressed to the MAX. I have no money and no job. I just had to pay a 100.00 vet bill. Plus I have to go back, so thats more money. My ex boos is not working and I need her to sign some papers pertaining to my student loan. Speaking of loan. I have no idea when I will be getting it and how much money will be left over for me.
I used my money for my trip to Halifax to pay the vet bill.So i might have to cancel that trip. My cell phone bill is 50 bucks. [NOTE TO SELF stop texting messaging so much..too expensive!!]ARHG. I owe people money which i do not have. Its just money, its evil. And im looknig for a job, but it seems like they only need people to work days..Which I can't. Im just waiting around for everything and everyone.And I hate it! I hate waiting.

forevers a very long time.

Was I that difficult to love?
because I loved you more than my heart could hold.
Im looking back on my goofy grin and my boring hair style. Maybe you needed more.
But I seen the imperfections in your face and the standard pose you made for the camera. And I loved it all. I knew everything was bound to change. I wish you could see me now. Im different, Im stronger and I've grown.
I wish I still didn't have tears in my eyes. And I could look at you and lie.
I am still holding onto you ontop of those rocks. Remember we posed for all those pictures. I still have them framed. Maybe thats why I took so many pictures, because secretly I knew it wouldn't last. I needed something to remind me of you. In your heart, where am I? Is there any part of me left in you? Ive hidden you as much as I could, but your pouring out of everything can't keep you locked up.I wish you could see me now, maybe you would change your mind. So long much time has past, maybe our time is now. I wish we had another chance. But if my chance has already gone, what am I waiting for? Why am I yearning? Why can't I let go. I look at our faces in those photographs I see forvever in our eyes. What changes? Who took the forever out of our hearts?

I do believe I might just have to pass on your offer.

WHAT A WEEKEND

I was incrediably busy this weekend.It made me feel important lol. I felt so free knowing that I wasn't waking up early to go to work. It felt wonderful.Heres the breakdown of my weekend.

Friday- Cat and I went to Chris Rock to meet some friends. The Chris Rock is not my favorite place, its too laid back for me. Pretty much you just sit at a table and drink. No loud music or dancing.Andtheres only one pool table. But its an alright time everyone blue moon. But we went there for a particualr reason to see JOEY. He is home for the week from Alberta. We all grabbed a table and chilled.Drank a little and talked. Cat and I left around 12 and headed to Freddy's for a Donair. Just talking about donairs is making me crave one. It was delish! It was a nic low key night.

Saturday- I finally got to see terri's house. Her and her fiance bought a bungalow. It makes me alittle jealous. But I am so happy for her. The house to me is huge atleast for two people..And it has a beautiful back yard. We sat around looking at her bridal book.And talking about her wedding. We did alittle shopping after and then grabbed a bite to eat. I got home around 5 pm and tried to rest my feet.I was going clubbing that night. It was a crazy time. I met alot of new people. And I looked hot. lol. We danced most of the night on the stage, my fave song of the moment is "golddigger" by Kanye West!

Sunday- I agreed to attend a bridal show with terri. Which was unbelievely boring. It was soo long, we were there for like 5 hours. The only fun part were the fashion shows. We sat in the front row for the first show. Which was a bad idea because we couldn't stop laughing. The dresses were hidious! I think the dresses were second hand.They were like from the eighties. Long sleeves and full of beads and lace. And the bridemaids dresses had shoulder pads. It was all plus size women modeling them. And u could tell that this was there first time because they kept tripping and no one was on time. I pray that Terri doesn't want me to go to another one becasue it was so boring. But I would go again because Im her friend.ahhh..I know Im soo sweet.

Thats the end. I tried to keep it brief.Im tried and have a headache. Enjoy.

I WANT THIS TOP.

So I did it, I survived my last day. I ended up getting the last cart, which was of course empty. And I had 16 rooms all check outs. Someone switched my sheet. Meaning they did that on purpose. I was alittle annoyed, but all i cared about was finishing and getting out of there. 2 soccer teams were checking in as I was leaving. Its going to be a hectic weekend for the girls .HAHA. Oh and my manger didn't even say goodbye.She stayed clear of me. But that didn't surprise me because she never says hello to me any other day. And I thought I would have to sign some papers or something. Separation papers?

I need to get my mind off money its all i think about. Im stressed to the max. I received my student loan but the letter seems to be written in code.I don't understand any of it. Just a bunch of numbers and words lol. Its all mumbo jumbo to me!!! So I made a meeting with a lady from school to talk about it. Get this all sorted out. And Im gonna try and go on unemployment. Which is more confusion and papers to read and sign. What I need to do is stop shopping and start saving my money lol. I went on a shopping spree last night. Spent about 175.00!Ekkks.
I bought 3 new bras, which I desperately needed. A sweater, 2 shirt and a belt. And I bought a new clubbing shirt for Saturday. Oh and I bought the new KANYE WEST cd. I've only listened to a few songs. But it rocks. He so talented. I love him.

Oh...oh....oh...Terri asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

ouch!...lets party. anyways.

My tooth is sore when I bite down. I think I HAVE a cavity...yuck. I HATE the dentist, i haven't been there in forever. When I have time I'll tell you some stories that have happened to me.
I still have these mother freaking cramps. Am I dieing... Last day of work is today. Heavenly.But I know its going to drag on and just be an all round bad day. I can count on that.

ME ME ME

I WANT THIS PURSE.

I think the walmart smiley face is my friend.

I liked it when strangers smile at me. It makes me feel connected to the outside world. Some days Im just walking around aimlessly veered off in my own world, and a smile from someone blinks me back to reality. Makes me happy. We are all creatures of the same, but sometimes we think we are floating higher than other people. A smile makes me remember how big the world is and that we all share it. Now Im not talking about creepy old man that smile because they can see my bra straps and want to rip my pants off. I mean people who smile and say hello while they bussle past you on your daily job.Or people in a busy mall whole smile and excuse themselves as they squeeze by. Or the little old women greeting you with a smile as you enter the bus. It makes me feel welcome in my small world, connecting me to the larger one. I always smile at people, partly because I am constantly smiling and I am a happy person. But it also makes me feel good and should make others feel good too. Sounds rather conceited but its the truth. Don't tell me that you dont get all caught up in your own life and a stray smile finds you and it doesn't cheer you up and make you want to smile back.

Keep those smiles coming.

Day 3 of these horribly uncomfortable cramps. Argh I just wanna stay in bed and cry.

my fingers smell like tuna.

Im in need for someone like you.
Captavising moment of unnessarcary means.
Im in the need for a clone. A connection to the world I lost, but loved so much.
I could dance and be free and its a secret kept all to myself.
No explanation or story to be told.
I long for something more, but all I can handle is a moment.
It may be fraud or a chance to run with the devil.
But all my cards are layed on the table for you to see.
**********************************************
Im just sitting here eating pasta salad and browsing the chapters site for some new books. I am also trying to make a list of places to drop off my resume. Im not sure what kind of job Im going to get, but it will be part time. Im looking at retail, or a book store, maybe even waitressing. I guess we'll see. First things first, I need to find out when my classes are.

Books Im gonna buy on pay day.

A Fine Balance Author
I Know This Much Is True
My Friend Leonard
A Virtuous Woman
Black and Blue

And of course I'll take a hunt through the bargain books I always find some hidden treasures.

Speaking of hidden treasures Joanne and I went to frenchies to find some used clothing.But we came up empty handed. I never find anything good. I know some people who buy their whole wardrobes from second hand clothing stores.And they find some rocking stuff.

I have so many Pictures of Mself

Hitting Up the Hoodeo

"monster in law"....i give it a 5 out of 10

Recap of the night at the rodeo. I am excited to say that I had an excellent time out with the girls. Joanne, the friend I went with is the type of person who u can do anything with and have a great time. She's so easy going and so adventurous theres no worrying that u will get bored. We went over to a friend from work's apartment. Jackie is a tad older than us, i will not say her name, but she is close to my moms again. Granted she does not look a day over 27 and she is so hip. She is a ball to hang out with. She sat around drinking coolers and watching big brother ( Im soo mad ginelle is gone!!). And we had an indepth conversation and period, relationships and of course men in general. We even prank called a few people. So childish but super funny. One name just played along with us. He was pretty cool. In the end he asked for my number he said I had a cute voice, Im not sure if he was pulling my leg or not. Either way I gave him a fake number lol.


Feeling pretty grand we stumbled to the rodeo. At a prime time I must add. Just early enough where there are small clusters of people and tons of room on the dance floor. Come 12ish its sooo packed you can't even move. I love to dance! Give me a stage or a cage in this case and I'll be on it. I was alittle hesitant to climb in the stage last night, my last encounter was a bad one. I was doing my thing in the cage with my friends. The cage is raised off the floor about a foot and there are metal polls surrounded it.And there is a spot light shining down on you.You can fit about 4 people in it. Well like I said, I was doing my thing, grooving to the music and some girl behind me pulled my hair. I am not sure if I bumped into her, or is she was jealous of me and my moves lol. But she grabbed a hand full of my hair and ripped it so hard my head hit the pole. I had a bruise beside my eye, before I had a chance to turn around the girl bolted, I guess she was running so fast she bumped into people. I am not an aggressive person, I am usually rather overly polite, so i don't understand what I did to her. I don't remember bumping into her, tho maybe I did. Anyways I thought it was un called for and hurt like a bitch the next day.

Joanne and I have this game, we always just slap random guys butts and keep walking. They always look so shocked and never know who just slapped them. We wanted to make the game alittle more exciting so we made a bet. Who could grab the most "man boobies". We called the game "Titty Grab. Joannes strategy was to walk up to a guy and bump into them, grabbing there boob at the same time. And then she would apologize. I was more blunt. I would walk up and squeeze a guys boob and then end it off with a thumbs up. I think I got more laughs. No one got mad. Most guys would laugh. I had one guy who offered his other boob. There were many that were quite a handful and some that were so muscular it was a treat for me to squeeze. I even had a few guys try to grab my boobs back. It was all clean fun. What a riot it was, I never laughed so hard. Honestly I would have to say I grabbed atleast 250 "man boobies" last night. We made so many rounds guys were shielding themselves with there arms from us. Or they would point at us and say " theres the girls who are grabbing guys boobs" One guy even told joanne what a turn on it was for him and then asked her to dance.

Hilarious!! I just love being so random, when I get drunk I'll do anything for a laugh. Well I wont hurt someone. And Im sure I didn't hurt any of those guys, they were all loving, they may of been shocked for a moment.But they all laughed. I bet you anything they were telling there friends today about the girls who grabbed there boobs.

I am very glad I went out. It was a fabulous time.I woke up feeling alittle sour this morning but I slept it off. And I am looking forward to next weekend.It will be a celerbration of the end of my housekeeping career.

Joeys my friend is coming home tuesday. I can't wait to see him.!!!!