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I smell so good. I can't stop smelling myself. I was laying in bed watching "Grey's anatomy", and I keep lifting my arms to my nose, the smell has lasted a few hours now. I put this lotion on after my shower. It smells like baby powder and flowers. Its relaxing me. Which is surprising, because Im never relaxed.

I shouldn't write about things that I have nothing to talk about. And maybe I ginx myself to set myself up for failure. But I get passionate and excited and I can't keep quiet. I can never keep quiet. I like to talk things over, or write things over, either way I need to get them out.
I am actually thinking in my head whether or not I should divulge my information. I don't want to get ahead of myself. I always do. All I think I am going to say is a relationship or actually a courtship may be setting its self up. Its in the works and hopefully it will follow through. Because the clouds are parting just thinking about this new opportunity.

In other news I did not get student of the module. (Pretty much student of the class) I've been stepped over. Melissa got it, and yes she was in the running. I knew it would come between the two of us. She knew what she was doing. She had 1 mark higher than me.!!!

I m not sure what it came down to, maybe it was my attendance, I missed two days. Or maybe she liked Melissa better. But I was so confident, I was so positive that the award was coming to me. I helped Gladys everyday, I even skipped breaks to help her. I understood the material, some parts even better than my instructor. I rarely asked questions, because I learn better when I figure it out on my own.
I feel cheated. I feel like I try so damn hard and I never get recongized. I am slowly giving up.
And I should give up, because strong people who achieve everything they want just don't give up. But Im frustrated and angry. I should be happy for Melissa she worked hard. I've had perfect attendance and that didn't help. But for this class my perfect attendance might of been my saving grace. And I could be in all my glory. But who's to say any of that matters. I fear I will never accomplish my short and embarrassingly stupid list of things I want done in my life.