So I haven't really talked to Matt and what little conversation was minimal and impersonal. I do believe my tactics worked. I did things to push him away and sway his feelings. Mission accomplished. Im not sure if I am relieved or troubled. I pretty much just feel the same. Back to square one. I am disappointed that my life isn't shifting. But I think I know if my heart that I can't settle. Just a few days of dealing with matt made me realize I am not lonely. I am happily independent. And having someone if my life conflicts with that. So I either need to find a guy who can help me change that or doesn't smoother my independence.
He hasn't called me, or emailed me, this shows me that he's really not that into me and that he's not ready for something serious, if he was ready he'd be working around me. I did have a warm feeling in my chest knowing that I had someone to do something with after work. A guy to talk to and a chance to show him off.
What I remember about Matt from the last time we dated was that he listened to me, he opens me up and opened himself up to me.He ws enthused about my hobbies, reading my writing and complimenting my drawings. He was always saying nice things and reassuring me.So why am I so conflicted about whether we should be together. Whether we should try things out.
Why do look and driving a car matter. Why do I care what others think? Why can't I just take him and be happy. I don't even know whats there. I think I want to try and have someone in my life. And I know matts a great guy. So Im leaning towards making myself liking him because he likes me.
If I lost my chance am I disappointed? Or am I just jaded. I feel jaded, like I just shut off my feelings, shut off my tears, It actually feels worse. I feel like a robot.
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2 comments:
Ahhh, it's weird when you don't know how to read a situation. After some time, you'll be able to figure out what you really want- if you want anything at all.
I know exactly what you mean. Silly isn't it.
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