Whoa bare with me on the lenght. brain fart!!

When I look back, I see how naive and forgiving I was. I lived in a dream, I believe that if I want something or someone enough that I could grasp it in my hands. After Mark and I broke up, we went months without talking. I knew what to expect, I've seen it all before.I just hoped it would be different I believed in him so much I thought I could change the situation. I guess I wasn't naive then, I was just completely stupid. I never regret things I have done, because everything happens for a reason and what we chose to do with them is what really matters. And I have learnt and I have grown. But neither retrospect or knowlegde would stop me from doing it again. Mark and I began talking online probably 6 months after we broke up. It was sweet and it captivated all my attention. He swallowed me up in his first sloppy sentence. We were friends, but playing lovers games. We spoke every night.We dug deep into the past and share our problems. I felt so close to him again and his friendship meant the world to me. I wanted more, but I wasn't selfish.I would settle for what I had. Later on we began talking on the phone. His voice enchated my all over again. I'd giggle at the way he said certain words and his silly ghetto lingo. I guess thats when I began to dream. I never stopped dreaming about him actually, but now the dreams were real. Vivid. And I knew I could control them.

Silly girl. He wanted to see me. And looking back on it, that was the truth, he missed me, he was craving me. But there were so many barriers surrounding us, blocking us. The connection was still there, it never faded.It was the world that was holding us back. So I agreed to go visit him. It was about a 5 hour drive on the bus. I was ecstatic! I won't lie, In my heart I had ideas, I had hopes, but my brain grounded me. Mark had mentioned a girl, they had been hanging out.Nothing serious. He invited his friend greg, who I was pretty close with to help with the awkwardness. The trip was long but wonderful.Greg picked my up from the bus spot in Lower sackville and drove me to Marks.

We went to his work to met him there.I stood outside. I knew that the girl he liked or was sort of seeing worked there and they didn't want me to see her. It was clear to me. He told me about Jaime. He said they had been hanging out.They were not serious. They were not a couple. They were friends, she liked him.And he didn't know what he was feeling. So right there I knew it would be a little rocky. Don't ask me why I thought things would be smooth in that aspect.

Anyways I waited there, fixing my shirt. I had to look great for my first appearance, he hadn't see me in months. He strutted out.He was nervous I could tell by the expression on his face. He smiled. He was careful not to get to close. It was awkward in the sense that I wasn't too nervous but he was. So I pulled away not to look to desperate to see him. We drove to his place in pretty much silence. But once we were in his apartment and settled we were all at ease. We rented movies and got some liquor. I guess we all needed some liquid courage. From then on was a blurr. I got a little wasted.Trying to show off that I could could drink with the boys.. Mark had never seen me drunk or really drinking. I wanted to impress him. I remember getting closer to him and hugging him.

Then he put me to bed. I got up dizzy and drunk and seen female clothes on the floor. I threw them out the window. Haha..They were probably jamies. I guess I kept saying, whats that girls name..the one with the boys name. Jeffrey. lol. He came into the room and I couldn't remember anything else. I believe we had sex, but I probably passed out on the guy. I woke up feeling sick and I was wearing different undies and a top. And on the floor was a condom.Used. I asked him about it but he denied it. I am not sure why. Maybe he felt angered by my passing out episode. He blabbed on about seeing jamie, and i was just in love with him.This made me angry.Why would he lie. The evidence was on the floor. We of course fought. The day was long. I spent more time with greg. It was pretty eventless.

That night he asked if I would like to met Jaime. Why was I soo stupid? Why did I feel the need to put myself through deliberate pain. I said sure. I was trying to be his friend, remember. I know the only reason why he invited her was to make both of us jealous. In all honesty she looked like trailer trasher.She was loud and swore to much.She smoked and was rude. This was not the type of girl mark usually fell for. My guess is he's was lonely.And she was fun to be around.I was so kind ot her.I made her drinks and tried to initiate conversation. She pretty much ignored me. The night was horrible. I did my best to play the part of a happy sweet ex girlfriend. How messed up is that. But it was the most awkward situation. Why would I want to be with my ex whom I was still in love with and watch him with another girl. We we went to the clubs and I showed him. I danced with every guy I seen. He spent most of the night looking for me. We didn't talk much.Jamie kept him away from me most of the night. She obviously didn't like me. Even tho I went out of my way to be nice to her. Im just like that. When I should be mean I can't.

We got back to his apartment and I growled at him, telling him I didn't want her to spend the night. But she had to, he said, she lived 30 mins away. And he had been drinking he couldn't drive her home. He promised me they'd sleep on the couch. One on each end. Again looking back on it. I had no right to tell him what he could do.And he didn't have to listen to me.But he did. But why would we put each other through this. I spent the night crying in Gregs arms. I made myself sick thinking about them. I was in a horrid mood in the morning. I hid in his bedroom until atleast 12. Because I didn't want to confront her. And I didn't want to see something I'd regret.When I finally crawled out of my hole she was gone.
I think we went out to eat and to the movies. The day was weird. I was holding onto a string.I didn't want to flip at him. We fought a bit, and I hid in his room writing and crying. Greg decided to leave to let us have some time alone.

We layed on his bed for hours talking. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. I knew him like the back of my hand.And everything I guessed or thought was right. He wanted to make me jealous.I told him that Jaime wasn't right for him. He shouldn't just use her to cure his loneness. I even told him I thought she was trailer trash.He laughed so hard. But he told me, I was right. I was always right.Sometimes that made him so mad. But he still loved me, he always would. He knew Jaime wasnt right for him.It was just fun. The conversation we had was so truthful and so blunt. It made me happy to have trust in him.I know that if we lived in the same city we would of gotton back together. But we didn't and we talked about that. We remember all the good times we had. All the funny memories.

The rest of the night we watched movies together.Semi cuddling, i think we were both scared to cross any boundaries. It was so comfortable was aching for him. We cuddled all night. I missed the smell of him. I missed the way he held me. Those 13 hours or so were some of the best hours of my life. And it made the horrible weekend worth the pain.

I just wonder why my love is so strong and his wasn't. I would walk through fire. I'd do anything.And that weekend proved it.I'll never know what I was thinking, but I guess love makes you do crazy things. Its like a spell that hes cast on me. After that weekend we still talk.But it slowly faded.

When I draw a nose it remsembles a sausage.

So u'd think my mother wouldn't mind driving me to my orientation. I mean sure she was home sick, but she could still drive. She just had a few cramps.It would of saved me a lot of waiting around. But she "of course" she whined and acted like she was dieing. Soooo my orientation only lasted about 45 mins and I spent the rest of the day on the bus or waiting for the bus. Thats was like 4 hours. I was really cranky with my mom. She stood in the window waving at me as I waited for the bus. I just ignored her.

I've got my loan all figured out and I start school on monday. There are still alot of things I need to do. I should make a list so I don't forget. Im gonna dig in my saving so I can buy some new clothes for school. Horrible I know. But I need some business clothes. Black boots, dress pants and dressy tops. And my trip to Halifax is canceled. Well tentatively. Im gonna keep our reservation at the hotel for another week and see what my money flow is like then.

My job happenings are still up in the air. I will be going to the school from 1-5 most of the time. Every few months its 8-12. So its hard to find a job, the mall only stays open until 9.I wont get off the bus until atleast 6:30. So Im looking at like sobeys because they stay open 24 or maybe shoppers they are opened until 12. We'll see. I'll keep looking.

So my kittys eye is getting better. I've been putting the drops in his eye every few hours. Its such a pain and he hates it. I have to chase him around the house. It looks painful.Theys like a hunk of eye hanging..Its gross. The vet wants me to bring him back. But I don't have another 50 bucks to pay for that. Lets just hope that it keep healing and he gets better.

I've been drawing again these past few days. My mind is so weird. I get writing blocks and drawing blocks and painting blocks. But my block seems to have evorated.And now I can draw. Its so relaxing. Im so hard on myself tho. I look at my work and think it looks bad.And I pick it apart. Im trying just to draw.Who cares what it looks like. Its my art work.

Anyways my wrist is actaully aching from drawing and now typing.
Im out.!

Can someone please tell me who to grow a money tree.

Look at this pretty face... Im losing it. Im so STRESSED.Stressed to the MAX. I have no money and no job. I just had to pay a 100.00 vet bill. Plus I have to go back, so thats more money. My ex boos is not working and I need her to sign some papers pertaining to my student loan. Speaking of loan. I have no idea when I will be getting it and how much money will be left over for me.
I used my money for my trip to Halifax to pay the vet bill.So i might have to cancel that trip. My cell phone bill is 50 bucks. [NOTE TO SELF stop texting messaging so much..too expensive!!]ARHG. I owe people money which i do not have. Its just money, its evil. And im looknig for a job, but it seems like they only need people to work days..Which I can't. Im just waiting around for everything and everyone.And I hate it! I hate waiting.

forevers a very long time.

Was I that difficult to love?
because I loved you more than my heart could hold.
Im looking back on my goofy grin and my boring hair style. Maybe you needed more.
But I seen the imperfections in your face and the standard pose you made for the camera. And I loved it all. I knew everything was bound to change. I wish you could see me now. Im different, Im stronger and I've grown.
I wish I still didn't have tears in my eyes. And I could look at you and lie.
I am still holding onto you ontop of those rocks. Remember we posed for all those pictures. I still have them framed. Maybe thats why I took so many pictures, because secretly I knew it wouldn't last. I needed something to remind me of you. In your heart, where am I? Is there any part of me left in you? Ive hidden you as much as I could, but your pouring out of everything can't keep you locked up.I wish you could see me now, maybe you would change your mind. So long much time has past, maybe our time is now. I wish we had another chance. But if my chance has already gone, what am I waiting for? Why am I yearning? Why can't I let go. I look at our faces in those photographs I see forvever in our eyes. What changes? Who took the forever out of our hearts?

I do believe I might just have to pass on your offer.

WHAT A WEEKEND

I was incrediably busy this weekend.It made me feel important lol. I felt so free knowing that I wasn't waking up early to go to work. It felt wonderful.Heres the breakdown of my weekend.

Friday- Cat and I went to Chris Rock to meet some friends. The Chris Rock is not my favorite place, its too laid back for me. Pretty much you just sit at a table and drink. No loud music or dancing.Andtheres only one pool table. But its an alright time everyone blue moon. But we went there for a particualr reason to see JOEY. He is home for the week from Alberta. We all grabbed a table and chilled.Drank a little and talked. Cat and I left around 12 and headed to Freddy's for a Donair. Just talking about donairs is making me crave one. It was delish! It was a nic low key night.

Saturday- I finally got to see terri's house. Her and her fiance bought a bungalow. It makes me alittle jealous. But I am so happy for her. The house to me is huge atleast for two people..And it has a beautiful back yard. We sat around looking at her bridal book.And talking about her wedding. We did alittle shopping after and then grabbed a bite to eat. I got home around 5 pm and tried to rest my feet.I was going clubbing that night. It was a crazy time. I met alot of new people. And I looked hot. lol. We danced most of the night on the stage, my fave song of the moment is "golddigger" by Kanye West!

Sunday- I agreed to attend a bridal show with terri. Which was unbelievely boring. It was soo long, we were there for like 5 hours. The only fun part were the fashion shows. We sat in the front row for the first show. Which was a bad idea because we couldn't stop laughing. The dresses were hidious! I think the dresses were second hand.They were like from the eighties. Long sleeves and full of beads and lace. And the bridemaids dresses had shoulder pads. It was all plus size women modeling them. And u could tell that this was there first time because they kept tripping and no one was on time. I pray that Terri doesn't want me to go to another one becasue it was so boring. But I would go again because Im her friend.ahhh..I know Im soo sweet.

Thats the end. I tried to keep it brief.Im tried and have a headache. Enjoy.

I WANT THIS TOP.

So I did it, I survived my last day. I ended up getting the last cart, which was of course empty. And I had 16 rooms all check outs. Someone switched my sheet. Meaning they did that on purpose. I was alittle annoyed, but all i cared about was finishing and getting out of there. 2 soccer teams were checking in as I was leaving. Its going to be a hectic weekend for the girls .HAHA. Oh and my manger didn't even say goodbye.She stayed clear of me. But that didn't surprise me because she never says hello to me any other day. And I thought I would have to sign some papers or something. Separation papers?

I need to get my mind off money its all i think about. Im stressed to the max. I received my student loan but the letter seems to be written in code.I don't understand any of it. Just a bunch of numbers and words lol. Its all mumbo jumbo to me!!! So I made a meeting with a lady from school to talk about it. Get this all sorted out. And Im gonna try and go on unemployment. Which is more confusion and papers to read and sign. What I need to do is stop shopping and start saving my money lol. I went on a shopping spree last night. Spent about 175.00!Ekkks.
I bought 3 new bras, which I desperately needed. A sweater, 2 shirt and a belt. And I bought a new clubbing shirt for Saturday. Oh and I bought the new KANYE WEST cd. I've only listened to a few songs. But it rocks. He so talented. I love him.

Oh...oh....oh...Terri asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

ouch!...lets party. anyways.

My tooth is sore when I bite down. I think I HAVE a cavity...yuck. I HATE the dentist, i haven't been there in forever. When I have time I'll tell you some stories that have happened to me.
I still have these mother freaking cramps. Am I dieing... Last day of work is today. Heavenly.But I know its going to drag on and just be an all round bad day. I can count on that.

ME ME ME

I WANT THIS PURSE.

I think the walmart smiley face is my friend.

I liked it when strangers smile at me. It makes me feel connected to the outside world. Some days Im just walking around aimlessly veered off in my own world, and a smile from someone blinks me back to reality. Makes me happy. We are all creatures of the same, but sometimes we think we are floating higher than other people. A smile makes me remember how big the world is and that we all share it. Now Im not talking about creepy old man that smile because they can see my bra straps and want to rip my pants off. I mean people who smile and say hello while they bussle past you on your daily job.Or people in a busy mall whole smile and excuse themselves as they squeeze by. Or the little old women greeting you with a smile as you enter the bus. It makes me feel welcome in my small world, connecting me to the larger one. I always smile at people, partly because I am constantly smiling and I am a happy person. But it also makes me feel good and should make others feel good too. Sounds rather conceited but its the truth. Don't tell me that you dont get all caught up in your own life and a stray smile finds you and it doesn't cheer you up and make you want to smile back.

Keep those smiles coming.

Day 3 of these horribly uncomfortable cramps. Argh I just wanna stay in bed and cry.

my fingers smell like tuna.

Im in need for someone like you.
Captavising moment of unnessarcary means.
Im in the need for a clone. A connection to the world I lost, but loved so much.
I could dance and be free and its a secret kept all to myself.
No explanation or story to be told.
I long for something more, but all I can handle is a moment.
It may be fraud or a chance to run with the devil.
But all my cards are layed on the table for you to see.
**********************************************
Im just sitting here eating pasta salad and browsing the chapters site for some new books. I am also trying to make a list of places to drop off my resume. Im not sure what kind of job Im going to get, but it will be part time. Im looking at retail, or a book store, maybe even waitressing. I guess we'll see. First things first, I need to find out when my classes are.

Books Im gonna buy on pay day.

A Fine Balance Author
I Know This Much Is True
My Friend Leonard
A Virtuous Woman
Black and Blue

And of course I'll take a hunt through the bargain books I always find some hidden treasures.

Speaking of hidden treasures Joanne and I went to frenchies to find some used clothing.But we came up empty handed. I never find anything good. I know some people who buy their whole wardrobes from second hand clothing stores.And they find some rocking stuff.

I have so many Pictures of Mself

Hitting Up the Hoodeo

"monster in law"....i give it a 5 out of 10

Recap of the night at the rodeo. I am excited to say that I had an excellent time out with the girls. Joanne, the friend I went with is the type of person who u can do anything with and have a great time. She's so easy going and so adventurous theres no worrying that u will get bored. We went over to a friend from work's apartment. Jackie is a tad older than us, i will not say her name, but she is close to my moms again. Granted she does not look a day over 27 and she is so hip. She is a ball to hang out with. She sat around drinking coolers and watching big brother ( Im soo mad ginelle is gone!!). And we had an indepth conversation and period, relationships and of course men in general. We even prank called a few people. So childish but super funny. One name just played along with us. He was pretty cool. In the end he asked for my number he said I had a cute voice, Im not sure if he was pulling my leg or not. Either way I gave him a fake number lol.


Feeling pretty grand we stumbled to the rodeo. At a prime time I must add. Just early enough where there are small clusters of people and tons of room on the dance floor. Come 12ish its sooo packed you can't even move. I love to dance! Give me a stage or a cage in this case and I'll be on it. I was alittle hesitant to climb in the stage last night, my last encounter was a bad one. I was doing my thing in the cage with my friends. The cage is raised off the floor about a foot and there are metal polls surrounded it.And there is a spot light shining down on you.You can fit about 4 people in it. Well like I said, I was doing my thing, grooving to the music and some girl behind me pulled my hair. I am not sure if I bumped into her, or is she was jealous of me and my moves lol. But she grabbed a hand full of my hair and ripped it so hard my head hit the pole. I had a bruise beside my eye, before I had a chance to turn around the girl bolted, I guess she was running so fast she bumped into people. I am not an aggressive person, I am usually rather overly polite, so i don't understand what I did to her. I don't remember bumping into her, tho maybe I did. Anyways I thought it was un called for and hurt like a bitch the next day.

Joanne and I have this game, we always just slap random guys butts and keep walking. They always look so shocked and never know who just slapped them. We wanted to make the game alittle more exciting so we made a bet. Who could grab the most "man boobies". We called the game "Titty Grab. Joannes strategy was to walk up to a guy and bump into them, grabbing there boob at the same time. And then she would apologize. I was more blunt. I would walk up and squeeze a guys boob and then end it off with a thumbs up. I think I got more laughs. No one got mad. Most guys would laugh. I had one guy who offered his other boob. There were many that were quite a handful and some that were so muscular it was a treat for me to squeeze. I even had a few guys try to grab my boobs back. It was all clean fun. What a riot it was, I never laughed so hard. Honestly I would have to say I grabbed atleast 250 "man boobies" last night. We made so many rounds guys were shielding themselves with there arms from us. Or they would point at us and say " theres the girls who are grabbing guys boobs" One guy even told joanne what a turn on it was for him and then asked her to dance.

Hilarious!! I just love being so random, when I get drunk I'll do anything for a laugh. Well I wont hurt someone. And Im sure I didn't hurt any of those guys, they were all loving, they may of been shocked for a moment.But they all laughed. I bet you anything they were telling there friends today about the girls who grabbed there boobs.

I am very glad I went out. It was a fabulous time.I woke up feeling alittle sour this morning but I slept it off. And I am looking forward to next weekend.It will be a celerbration of the end of my housekeeping career.

Joeys my friend is coming home tuesday. I can't wait to see him.!!!!

I feel older.

Sometimes I feel so alone, I turn on the washer to hear something move and make noise. At times I hear a voice in my head she hushes me into insanity, and sometimes she disappears and I'm left talking out loud. I don't know whats worse.
The house is so quite, my cats must be sleeping. I looked around my room, its chactic, clothes strewn everywheres. I buy clothes to fill the dreams in my mind.But most times theres no special occasion to wear them, no special someone to strut for.
I want to climb back in bed and dream. But theres so much to be done. I work hard for my days off, but theres no time for rest.

I have plans tonight, ones which I feel I must forfill. I have been ditching Joanne for weeks.She asks me every weekend to go clubbing with her and Im never in the mood. I am still not in the mood. But I feel like Im not being a good friend. So I will go. What will I wear? For me if Im not dressed well enough it affects my moods. I need to feel like I look go or it could ruin my night. I guess that sounds rather vain or trivial, but its the truth. I think its becasue I am a very visual person, I see my moods in what I am wearing. And Of course I want to look hot, theres no denying that. I don't try and "pick up" at clubs, but getting some attention is always a great feeling.

For a while now I have been getting sick of clubbing. I could name a lot of things I'd rather be doing. Sleeping, eating or watching t.v Sounds boring. But for me its has become too much of a hassle. It takes hours to get ready, picking out an outfit, doing you make up and hair, then u go drink at someones house and pay for a cab there and back. And the place is always soo packed, and too many drunk dirty people. And theres always a fight with a friend or guy. And I m usually sick the next day and I work early in the morning. Theres just too many negatives and not enough positives. But once in a while I have a stellar time and its etched in my memories forevere. Hopefully tonight will be one of there nights.

I smell things

I miss summer already.

I tend to curse summer, for the heat, but I always miss it when its gone.

I love waking up to the sun pouring through my window.

Sun tanning outside with the rays beating on your skin.

And at night when the heat cools, but the air is still warm.

Just thinking about summer gives me the best feeling inside.

Even the clothing is better in the summer.

Short skirts, tank tops and sandals, no heavy coats or boots.

You can always find something to do in the summer, swimming, walking, sun tanning, playing sports, going to the beach, playing at the park and cruising in the convertible.

Im counting down the days until next summer. LOL

her heart goes bang bang boom.

When i shut my eyes I can't walk straight.

I walk home everyday on the same route.One day I noticed a metal spring sitting out of the groove between the curb and the road. Not a big deal, just a metal spring. Each day I would walk home and if I stepped on the spring unintentionally it met I would have some kind of good luck that day. Now why did I think that? I have no clue. It was just a feeling I got. I tend to be a weird person. So everyday I would walk home trying not to look on the ground and hoping I'd step on the spring. Some days I would and some days I wouldn't. I wish I had some examples of good luck I had when I stepped on the spring. But Im sure it worked. I just forget lol. My mind is so messed up lol. But the spring is gone. There goes any luck for me.

i can't stop bitting my nails.

im tired and bored.
Im thinking about money. You can never have too much and you always have too little.
I think I might get a part time job waitressing. Its seems like a scary job.
Whats happens if I don't get my loan?
Im so anxious about everything that has to do with school.
My job is driving me up the wall. I just wanna scream. 12 more days..actually 10.Becasue I have 2 days off.
Too much going on in my head right now.

night.

My hair smells like oranges and I love it. I'd eat it if I could.

I put my 2 weeks in today. I will be officially finished work on Friday the 22!!Yippie. When I told my manager, she a) didn't care about anything I had to say. b) was mad that she'd have to find someone to replace me. Piss off. She wasn't even happy that I was going back to school. All she asked was what is the exact date you will finsh.And then walked away. I really hate that place. I can't wait to leave.

The anxiety is starting to ease on. I'm going back to school. Im quitting my job. I'm getting a loan that I will be paying back for 10 years. But I also feel so refreshed. So alive, my whole life is changing and its all in my power. For a long time I felt like I was living for someone else. Working my life around people and doing things to get my closer to them. But now I feel like Im proud of myself. This is just a huge step for me.

I feel like I haven't caught up in my sleep since my crazy night on Friday! I bought some new shampoo and it smells amazing. I can't stop smelling my hair. It smells like oranges. My hairs weird. I can only use the same shampoo for like 2 week and then it doesn't seem to work anymore. My hair gets greasy fast. So I always have to change it like every 2 weeks. Anyone's else hair get like that?



he's my guilty pleasure and I can't hid it.but its more than a feeling, its a connection.

manorexic is his name.straving is his game.

Its 8:16 am and I just got home. Ive been out all night. And I now have to work in 40 mins. Im munching on my sausage' n egg mcmuffins, there pretty scrumsious. My eyes are beginning to drupe as I type this, how will I make it through a full work day? I just want to crawl into my warm bed and cuddle up with my kitty.

We drove down to Amherst to party with a friend who was down for the night. Amherst is only about 45 mins away but we only left at 11:30. But we made it there with plenty of time for a few drinks. We had to sneak into the party pretending we worked at Scotia Bank. See it was so sort of tourtament for the people who work at Scotia Bank. But we crashed the party. I haven't seen so many older people bogeying in my life. I watch one women who must of been at like 50, grind a guy half her age. She turned around and wiggled her butt up and down him. It was very disturbing to watch.

It always a treat to drive in Cat convertible, everyone gettings excited. Chris and I actually sat in the back on top the hood or whatever. It was crazy, I thought I was gonna fall off. And the wind was blowing us so hard it was knocking the spit out of my mouth. Driving with the top down we looked at the stars, the only thing I could pick out was the big dipper.

Later that night we went back and chilled at Chris's hotel. I met quite a few people but I forget that names because Chris kept introducing them wrong. lol He was calling everyone "Amanda".


Our night was interesting to say the least! And now I must survive working. Wish me luck.
I'll be hitting the hay the second I came home from work! Mmmm..Sleeep!:)

I love boys with brown curly hair.

did u ever get those coughing fits that just won't stop.and they always happen in the worst places.

Time---> 1:42 am
Eating---> Viva Puffs
Wearing--->Black Tank top and yellow flowered pj pants.
Listening to---> My heavy breathing because my nose is stuffed up.
Talking to---> Brett & Drew
Wishing---> To go on a shopping spree.
Mood---> Mellow & relaxed
Song---> Bsb-just want you to know.
Thinking ---> When to quit my job.

bus ride

Bus Riding etiquette? Who knew. Sitting on the bench waiting for the bus I realized I was the only one without someone sitting next to me. Every other bench had atleast 2 people sitting at it. I looked myself up and down, if thats possible, did a little pit sniff , everything was A-OK. So why didn't anyone want to sit with me. Then I realized that I was sitting in the middle of the bench. The correct way to sit at an empty bench is to sit at either sides. Someone sittin in the middle intimidates other people to sit next to you, they fear they might be in your space, or they just don't want to sit that close to you. So in fear of being letf out for the rest of my 15 min bus wait, I slide to one end of the bench. You wouldn't believe it, seconds after a women came and sat with me, I must of smiled with too much excitement because she gave me a dirty look. lol. Oh well.

Good thing I brought a book, because I ended up having to wait for the bus for an hour on the way home. I bought a lunch and sat in the grass ready to read my book. But I couldn't keep my concentration. Im such a people watcher. Its so interesting to ease drop on people and watch them. But that didnt last too long everyone seemed to leave at the same time. So I found other ways to entertain myself. I captured a hornet in my sandwich container and watched it try to free its self. I didn't want to kill it, but I was too scared to free it, because it would probably get angry and sting me.So I threw out the container with the entrapped hornet still inside.

Back to my bus etiquette. Here are some rules I picked up. I based these rules on the dirty looks from people I received. Example in the back of the bus there are seats that face each other, I sat down and put my feet on the one infront of me, and an old lady beside me gave me a dirty look. SO I assumed it would be better if I took my feet down. I didn't. My feet were sore and there was no one sitting there. So whatever, she could give me all the dirty looks she wanted. But to my surprise the old lady streched her legs out and rested them on the seat. It was funny, they barely reached. Another time I got a dirty look was when exiting the bus I got out before 2 old ladies and as I waited for the door to open I hear them huff and tisks me. I think they wanted me to let them get out first. Ha snoze you lose ladies. So I guess I don't follow any of the rules and it seem like its only old people that give me looks. I think they believe they own the buses because there old.

Ms.Amanda's sicky.

It seems no one likes my blog any more. *Cries*. The most comments I have had in the past 2 weeks had been like 4.Wow. How depressing.
Anyways!.... I'm feeling so crappy, my throat feels like sandpaper. I actually woke myself up by choking on the gunk in my throat lol. My nose has so much pressure it feels likes its gonna explode and it's so stuffed up and runny. Its horrible.

Things to do.
1.Figure out when to quit work and put notice in.
2. Meeting on Thursday to register and apply for loans.
3. Figure out bus schedules and buy bus pass.
4. Look for part time job
5. Save money.
6. Breath.
7. Buy school supplies and new clothes. (YES!)

Cute email I got today.

This really happens!!!!! WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH!!

1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS.

2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. I DROP MY 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH I'M EATING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT.

6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE THAT I LOVE THEM
SOOOOO MUCH.

7. I GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME.

9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING.

11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO I KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. I YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO (I THINK) CHEATED ME BY GIVING ME JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. I THINK I'M IN BED, BUT MY PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

15. I START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."

16. I FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN I SIT ON IT.

17. MY HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. I'M TIRED SO I JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER I HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. I BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON MY BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME I'M IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM MY DRINK.
20. I TAKE MY SHOES OFF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

I didn't have time to proof read, so bare with me.

So Im at home kicking myself in the butt for not going to The Rolling Stones concert. I wanted to go so bad, because Im a pretty big fan, but no one was aloud to book time off at my work for that weekend. So gracefully backed down. If I would of know that I was going to finsh work at 12, I would of bought a ticket. But who could of known. But at work today a women gave me a free ticket. Argh I don't know why I didn't use it. I guess I just wasn't prepared. All my friends left early in the day. So I'd have to swim through 80,000 people to find someone I knew. But I guess I could of went with my dad. I was just soo tired and hungry. And just thinking about 80,000 people being there scared me.

My dad has called 3 times now, and we've been listening to the music in the background. Its B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!! I waiting for him to call back when "You can't always get what you want" My favorite Stones song.

Last night we took some friend out. They came up from Nova Scotia for the concert. Lets just say I spent the night being pissed off and waiting around. Im a girl who HATES to wait. The guys kept ditching us, or we'd lose them. And at the end of the night we were all suppose to met at the car and they were 45 mins late. I didn't get home until sometime after 3 am. Crazy.

Tell me this why can guy not dance alone??Why do they need to be clutching onto a girls hips to dance. Its drives me Nuts. Andrew one of the guys from N.S, wouldn't leave me alone. I love to be free and dance and move where I want. But he had to have his claw wrapped around my hip, bumping and grinding me. To make matters worse he didnt have any rhythm. He kept grabbing my arms and waving them around. A few dances with a guy is cool, but being attached by the hip all night is a downer. I think thats why he kept leaving me to dance with others girls, he was getting mad. Maybe he thought he was getting some from me this weekend! Ha..too bad.

I was sure a Man-magnet, everytime I turned around a different guy was dancing with me, I should just stuck with Andrew. Because these guys were, let say " not my type" . I'd danced with them for a few minute because I didn't want to hurt there feelings.

It was an interesting night to say the least!.

When I grow up I want to be.....................?

I have a meeting at a college tomorrow. Scary! Im actually serious about going back to school. I think Ive kicked myself enough. My jaw is sore. Which means Im stressed out.I either get a headache or a sore jaw. I have been searching online all day, about courses, student loans and money.If I take this course its from October to October. 4 hoursday. I'll have to quit my job and get a part time job. I'll need a way to and from school. I still need to save money to move away next year.So much to plan and think about. And Im sweating in this chair thinking about this meeting. I need to tell myself it will be fine, theres nothing to worry about. Silly me. Im a worry wart.

I opened a savings account!Yippie. I feel so proud of myself. Im gonna be a saver. I have $100 in the account so far. I plan on putting 100 a pay. But if I have part time it might be less, seeing that I'll be making less.

Last night Cat and I went on a mission to find street signs. We drove all around town spotting signs, so I could test me newly learned skills. Im thinking I will take my beginners course at the end of October maybe. It seemed like every few inches there was a cross walk. Or a no parking sign. I wanted a challenge, but I didn't get many. My next test is the sit in the driver seat with out having a nervous breakdown.