Nothings right. Im feeling sour and low. And I feel like i just need to come up for a breath of air. I lost my hope, I lost my smile. I lost all reasoning that I had. I just feel like no matter how hard I try it doesn't get me anywheres. Everything is stacked up and falling down on me. I don't even know what to say. For once I can't convince myself I deserve better or that things will work out for the best. For once the postivity has drained out, Im dry.
My mind is always racing. I wonder, do other people think as much as me. I can't even shut the voices up when I am sleeping. How do I turn them off? I just need one moment to myself, one moment of silence. I sit on the bus and as the wheels turn so do the ones in my head. I have no a moment of rest. When I sleep I dream of M, I dream of things I wish would come true. I think about things I must do the next day. When I awake in the morning I have a mind spinning from the past dream. I sit here and think about Alex, a man who I don't even know, but I fantasy and I cry wondering why I don't deserve a chance. I could speak to him, but why risk the chance of blowing my cover, he'll see I am a fake , he'll let me down gently. It will be just another blow. You see I am a fantastic observer, I can see alot of things people can't. And I see he's in a world of his own, hes polite but distant, hes quiet and determined. Hes in school to learn and thats it, the second he steps out of the school his life starts up.Hes noticed me a few times, but has shown no interest. I dress to the tens, not matter what i wear his reaction is the same, he has no reaction. I am not making any impact nor, am I making his head turn.I push him out of my head and laugh. But the second I see him I gush all over again. Its silly. Its also ANNOYING.
I replay actions in my head, conversations talk to me in my head. Theres no switch to turn it off.When I go out with friends, Im still distracted by my thoughts, my fears and my worries.
Im just full of disappointments and disappointment can cause shatter affects. Im feeling the symptoms now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Well put! I agree, thats just life for you. But, the thing that makes people, is how they deal with what life throws at them. After that, you'll feel happy you went through all of this because all it will do is make you stronger as a person.
So all you have to do is, just sit back and learn from all this that is bothering you.
A lot of things have been going wrong, and getting messed up and Im just exhausted and feud up. And Im sure its a phase. But at this moment Im just losing it.
But thanks so much guys...I love how people on my blog leave the best comments they always cheer me up.
Post a Comment