Christmas is Here

Its been quite hectic this past week. School only ended on the 23rd plus I worked about 25 hours and tried to finsh my shopping. I always spent one night as a hairstylist for all my sisters friends on wednesday. It was there christmas fromal, and it seems any formal or dance me & jessika get suckered in doing 50 teenage girls hair lol. Oh well its all fun.
Its is 2:38 pm in my house and everyone has gone back to bed. I am just about to conquer my room, it needs a really good cleaning. I had a wonderful christmas and recieved everything I wanted. I am excited to go to Amherst to see all my exteneded family. And Im it excited for boxing day sales and New years....

Let me rest up, I'll post a better post later one.

A doubtful mind is a useless mind.

I decided to demolish the thought of being with Alex, atleast for the moment.And I have every intention of doing so.Even though the chances seem to be building a ladder right to my heart.

2 opportunities, to complete loses for words, I seem to be still in the running.
But I asked for signs and I received them, and I still don't know what to make of them. I complicate the situation. I analyze it, and dissected it, and leave this one moment into a dozen hand movements ,single words, and questions. It confuses me, I make to much of it and it becomes over thought.

A crush can be exhausting. Don't you find. ?You calculate in your head exactly what you will say to him and you work through numerous conversations to work with his changing reactions. Your sneaky, watching him, placing yourself in his foot steps. And then daydreaming. It takes up more time then I would admit. I don't believe I am up for the catch.



EDIT- I forgot to mention Alex came into my store on sunday.It was a total fluke for me because 10 minutes before I was telling one of the girls I work with about him, I didn't even see him walk in. I just turned towards the newborn section and there he was standing, facing me, wearing his baby on his chest in a baby carrier.The baby is a gilr and 3 months old.
He seen me right away. I was of course like always, speechless. He has that effect on me. I called Bridgett over and told her it was Alex. She of course yelled and pushed me towards him. But I declined and helped a few customers. I couldn't do it. I was literally feeling faint, I felt so hot and my cheeks were fire red. How silly is that. This crush is so silly. When I finally got the courage to go over and ask him if he needed help, I seen that Bridgett beat me to it. They had a conversations. My conversation! Hes very friendly and talkative. Then I seen her. She came towards him pushing a cart. I assume his girlfriend. But he told everyone at school he was single.
Either he is 1. single
2. they got back together
3. Its the babys mother and they are just shopping together for there baby. They are probably on good terms and stil friends.

I believe its number 3.So I felt aliltte shattered. But he still stared at me with wide eyes. He definitely reconigized me and I think he looked rather happy to see me. He looked so cute with his baby, you could tell he very proud and loves to show her off.

check yes or no.

I forgot to mention the most crucial part of my story. I day that I finally had a semi conversation with my lover, I looked horible. Ekks. Its Murphys Law right. The one day you aren't prepare, and looking your worst you see the guy you are crushing on. It was exam day, so I sort of rolled out of bed. I supose I didn't look that bad, but I didn't look my best.

Im trying to figure out why Im so childish towards this crush, I tend to me cool and collective. I tend to be smooth and not so shy towards guys. But, in this case I feel like Im in grade school, pointing at him and giggling. Butterflies in my stomach. I barely know this guy and Im dreaming about him, planning each word I might say to him. There just something about him that has attached itself to me. I feel like I was put under a spell. Maybe its because this is the first real crush I have had since my ex. The first real attraction and interest I have shown in a guy. Its been so long, I don't know what to do with myself.

I've been inhaling a box of chocolate cover cherrys, I almost feel dizzy. I need a break lol.:0)

And he speaks....

I have made HUGE progess in my quest to get Alex lol. I had a semi conversation with him. My cousin used to work with him (she goes to school with me) and we were on our way down stair when he came out of the bathroom. And she called him over. And they began talking about there work. I just kind of looked around, I felt so stupid, and I was soo nervous, I was sure my knees were gonna give out on me. Then he talked about his class he was in, and I told him that class looked aweosme, and I heard alot of good stuff about it.I said a few other things. Butr I really didn't talk that much. And my cousin didn't introduce me. But I am excited anyways. I talked to him, I smiled at him, I got to look at him up close. I hear his cute voice. I feel like a little kid, I don't even know this guy and I feel butterflies in my stomach and I acted all giggly and stuff.
What a great stepping stone, now I can only move forward. I need to see him again, talk to him. ASK HIM OUT!!!!!!

I am soo super duper trooper excited. I can't stop smiling.!What a goof!

Have you seen the light?

Does it make me any less of a Christian if I do not attend church? Is it a sin to say church is boring. One of the 10 commandments is "Tho shalt not lie." Right.. Well then I am just being honest, I get soo bored at church. And I rarely read the bible, though I should be dealt some credit for opening it up and reading a few verses at a time. That's a start.

I do pray every night, unless Im unbelievably tired or drunk. I pray a lot actually. Whenever I watch the news, I see horrible things happening in our world, killings, bombings, wars. I pray for the people I see on the news. Whenever I hear a siren fly by on the highway, like a habit, I stop in my tracks and say a quick pray.

I even pray when people say the lords name in vain. It sounds silly. But I'll say Please God forgive them for using your name in vain, and help them learn it is wrong.

I think I am a pretty good Christian, in my own way. I may not follow the traditional ways, I make my own. I think all that matters is that you Believe.

I walk the road less traveled.

Do you ever look at your bare french fries and count out in your head how many trips it would take to get to the kitchen? Should you grab your plate and walk to the kitchen (1) and pour the ketchup on them.Then walk back to the living room (2). 2 trips. Or walk to the kitchen empty handed (1) grab the ketchup go back to the living room (2), pour the ketchup on and walk back to the kicthen. (3). 3 trips. Why do I always take the long way?I never stop and count on my hand which way would be shorter .And then, of course, I always miss the best part of the show.

IF I WAS A RICH GIRL.

Outfits I * l.O.V.E.
What a beautiful life it would be, if I was rich and could buy all the clothes I wanted.

I HATE EVERYTHING

I am hate having to leave 2 hours before class and getting home two hours after my class ends. I hate waiting at the bus stop for 30 mins. I hate my boring class. I hate come home and its dark out. I hate not seeing Alex, or any of my friends. I hate never having money. And I hate having to rush right to work after class.

I am so low right now, not even low past low.I don't even feel low just numb. Knowing that I am unhappy with my life and there isn't much I can do about it. Im broke all the time, I can't do anything. I literally go to school, eat, work and sleep. And watch t.v. Thats it. Thats all I can afford to do, that all the energy I have. I am beginning to think going back to school was a mistake. I know that these are just the sacrifice I have to make so that I can have a better life, a better job and in the end more money. But It all sucks right now. I have no friends, no fun, no money, no love life and no excitement. I loved my last class and I enjoyed going to school. But this class bites, afternoon classes bite. Im trying to find something good out of it, but I can't. Class doesn't start until 1:00pm. Sweet..you'd think. I get to sleep in. WRONG. I have to catch the bus at 11 am. So therefore I get up at 9 to shower and eat and finish my homework.Class finish at 5pm and I don't get home until 6:30. I just need one good thing to happen to me. One thing to cheer me up. I can't even remember the last time I went out with my friends.

I feel like Im not even living. I pass up so many opportunities because Im broke, or working or in school.

I am aching to get student of the module. I worked so hard in my last class. I had perfect attendance,was never late passing in my assignments and did every bite of extra work there was. My marks were good, might not of been the highest, probably a high 80 or 90. But I have a feeling one of the suck ups in my class will get it. If you get picked you get your picture taken (loves it) and it gets hung up in the hall with the rest of the students of the module. One for each class. Just means your the best for that class. I want it I want it I want it. I wanna get atleast 3 before I graduate.

Christmas is coming and Im not really excited. We get two weeks off and I'll probably work most of it. At a job thats soooo boring. I am being cheap this year and I feel bad.I wanna buy my family soo much more. I wanna buy myself stuff and I never can.I haven;t bought clothes in forever,im hating my wardrobe right now.I need clothes to cheer me up.

Im not proofreading this stupid thing lol.. not in the mood. Lets play a game; how many mistakes can you find.LOL. Grammer, spelling,missing punctuation ,or just completely doesn't make sense lol.

It sure is shady under this rock.

My weekend?
Fast.
Boring.
Work.
Sleep T.V.
Eat.

What am I thinking?
Im tired.
What am I gonna wear tomorrow?
Should I run up stairs and get a glass of water?

What am I worrying about
What my final exam mark was.
Will I have to work tomorrow.
Money.

Did I buy anything this weekend?
Ritz chips.
Skittles.
Pot of gold.
Hand lotion.
Eye blue shadow

Wish List. More to come!!:0)

take a picture

Its funny when I read my horoscope and I don't like it I just go to a different horoscope site and find another one. And I keep looking until I am happy with what the prediction says. I dont even really believe them. Just if it says something about Love. Then I cross my fingers that it will come true.