another lonely summer night.

As soon as we stepped off the plane from Cuba I bought a bottle of McCains pink lemonade. It quenched my thirst and it quenched my need for something familiar, a taste of home.Sometime, when I go out and I am amongst a crowd of people I need to feel something familiar, or else I get lost. And instead of clutching to the arm of my boyfriend, I play with my watch or twirl my hair.

tomorrow is my family reunion, on my Dads side. Its a relatively big family. I actually never had a boyfriend attend a big family function like this and it sort of disappoints me. Well it really disappoints me, that what boyfriends are for.They are suppose to keep you company at boring events and to show off to all your friends and family. And at this time I am boyfriend-less, so I must fly solo. I am sure if I sink a few coolers it wont be too bad. But I always feel a little left out. We don't get to see this side of the family as often, so I don't feel as close to them or comfortable. Actually our family are the ugly ducklings in the big Quesnel family. Were always the last invited, and we always seem left on our own. So it is easy to feel lost in this crowd. Its horrible that its your own family. So imagine how it feels to feel lost in a huge crowd.

I went down town with my sister and parents to see the car show tonight.The streets were packed, and were were bumping and squeezing thru the herds of people. I of course see many people I know, all in this case are hanging onto there boyfriends or girlfriends arms. I say a brief hello and watch there faces as the scan either side of me, looking for my straggling boyfriend. Hes not there. I feel lonely. I can handle sleeping alone at night and filling my arms with shopping bags alone in the mall. I enjoy being single in the clubs. But when I am going to an event, I hate facing the crowds alone. I often feel less of a person because I don't have a partner to cradle his arm around my back and whisper in my ear. Or even worse, I feel people pity me for being alone.


I live the illusion of a happy life.